Dementia Support Line
Advice
Is it typical for people with dementia to sleep a lot during the day?
People with dementia, especially those in the later stages, can often spend a lot of time sleeping. This can sometimes be worrying for carers, friends and family. Find out why a person with dementia might sleep more than an average person of their age.
It is quite common for a person with dementia, especially in the later stages, to spend a lot of their time sleeping – both during the day and night. This can sometimes be distressing for the person’s family and friends, as they may worry that something is wrong.
Sleeping more and more is a common feature of later-stage dementia. As the disease progresses, the damage to a person’s brain becomes more extensive and they gradually become weaker and frailer over time.
As a result, a person with dementia may find it quite exhausting to do relatively simple tasks like communicating, eating or trying to understand what is going on around them. This can make the person sleep more during the day as their symptoms become more severe.
Some medications may contribute to sleepiness. These include some antipsychotics, antidepressants, antihistamines and of course sleeping pills.
Sleeping disorders unrelated to dementia, such as having breathing that occasionally stops during sleep (known as ‘apnoea’), can also contribute to sleeping for longer.
What should I do if a person with dementia is sleeping a lot?
If the person is in the later stages of dementia and they have gradually started sleeping more and more, it is likely to be due to the dementia progressing.
However, if the excessive sleeping has started more suddenly, or the person doesn’t seem well in other ways, it may have another cause.
If this is the case you should speak to the GP, to rule out any infections or conditions that could be affecting the person's sleep.
It may also be worth asking for a medication review with the GP or speaking to a pharmacist as medication can cause a range of side effects.
If the person is sleeping a lot but it isn’t having a negative impact on them it is often best to just go with it and make sure they are comfortable.
Why does dementia affect sleep?
Problems with sleep are very common for people with dementia. They can include:
- sleeping during the day and being awake and restless during the night
- becoming disorientated in the dark if they wake up to use the toilet
- waking up more often and staying awake longer during the night
- getting up in the early hours and thinking it’s day time or time to go to work (disorientation in time)
- not being able to tell the difference between night and day.
Nobody completely understands why dementia affects sleeping patterns. For some people, it may be that their internal ‘biological clock’, which judges what time it is, becomes damaged so the person starts to feel sleepy at the wrong time of day.
There are also other parts of the brain which control whether or not we stay awake, and these may also not work properly if they become damaged.
Sometimes a person with dementia might completely reverse their normal sleep pattern, staying up all night and then sleeping all day.
It's common for people with dementia, especially in the later stages, to spend a lot of their time sleeping
Does quality of sleep matter for people with dementia?
The quality of a person's sleep gradually deteriorates as they get older. They tend to get less deep or ‘slow-wave’ sleep, which helps to keep the brain healthy and refreshed.
Even though a person with dementia may end up sleeping more than a typical person of their age – even as much as 14–15 hours a day – it is unlikely to all be good quality sleep.
Sleeping a lot can also be influenced by people’s sleeping patterns before they had dementia, as some people need more sleep than others.
Sleep for people who have dementia with Lewy bodies and Parkinson’s disease
The type of dementia you have can affect your sleep.
People who have dementia caused by Lewy body disease, such as Parkinsons’ disease (PD) or dementia with Lewy bodies (DLB) are often sleepy by day but have very restless and disturbed nights. They can suffer from confusion, nightmares and hallucinations. Insomnia, sleep apnoea (breathing difficulties) and restless legs are common symptoms.
A person affected with these types of dementia may often unknowingly ‘act’ out their dreams by shouting and moving around in bed.
They can even cause injury to themselves and/or their sleeping partner. This is called rapid eye movement (REM) sleep behaviour disorder or RBD, and tends to happen from the earliest stages of the disease onwards.
This can be exhausting and often leaves the person feeling like they haven’t slept at all, so they are very tired and sleepy during the day.
It can be hard to stay awake during the day after a poor night’s sleep but, if possible, it’s best to try to limit sleep during the day to small bursts or ‘catnaps’. Otherwise the person’s body clock can become very confused and this makes sleeping well during the night even harder.
Read more about sleep and dementia
Learn more about how dementia can affect sleeping patterns, as well as our tips for healthy sleep.
Margaret Booker
saysMy partner was diagnosed with dementia in June 2020 and also with severe sight loss. All his family live over 100 miles away and rarely visit, so I am his sole carer and it is like a 24/7/365 job. He smokes 60 cigarettes a day and I don't smoke, but he refuses to try and cut back. He used to smoke only in one room upstairs with the window open. Now it's anywhere and anytime including when he's in bed, I have to stop him in the pub or in the doctors surgery. I tried to hide his fags at night but he just became angry and was swearing and cursing.
He's physically fitter than me and wants to walk out somewhere every day, but will not accept a care aide, so I have to go with him. He keeps asking for food, anything at all, but every two hours including sometimes at 4 or 5 am.
I just don't know how to occupy his time as he can't remember or see to do even simple things like peel potatoes, cut up his food or find his mug of tea on a coffee table. He can't read a book and doesn't want radio or cds.
The only thing he enjoys are drives out into the country as he can feel the sensation of movement. He has no friends locally although a few acquaintances call occasionally.
I just don't know how I can make life better for either of us.
Anonymous
saysMargaret, we'd strongly recommend calling our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456 to speak with one of our trained dementia advisers. They will be able to listen to your situation and provide advice and support relevant to you. More details about the support line (including opening hours) are available here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
Please do call 0333 150 3456, Margaret - remember you are not alone.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
janice lock
saysMy Mother passed away last year with age related Alzheimers. How I wish we had seen your blog in the last stages of her illness. She wanted
to sleep a lot during the day but we thought it was better for her to
remain awake and take part in whatever was going on. That it would
keep the illness at bay in the last stages.
H
saysYou all talked about your mum’s but I have to look after my husband who is only 71 I do all the things my self with no help from anyone or social service .if need to shopping I take in a. Wheel chair on the crowded bus to town .doctors hospital etc . There’s no that I asked for help unless I have to and I don’t want to that out of our pension .
Brian Witcombe
saysDear H, I understand completely how you feel. I am in a similar position as the sole carer for my 85 year- old wife; she needs my constant companionship 24/7. I have no family close enough to give me any support. We are self-funding and I have tried care agency staff for personal care, with mixed results. . She cannot walk very far and doesn't (yet) use a wheelchair, so all our shopping has to be either online or from the convenience store at the end of our street - about 100 yards away. If she cannot get that far, we don't shop that day.
I can tell you that YOU NEED TO GET HELP, and you need to ask for it - it won't be offered until you do. Ask Social Services for a Carer's Assessment for yourself, and a Care Needs Assessment for your Mum. (Look online for advice on how to prepare for these beforehand). Depending on your, and he,r financial positions (which are separate), you/she may not get any financial help, but SS will be able to point you towards other support services available in your area. The assessments will also mean that at least you/she are "on the system" as carer/needing care. Make sure that you are also recorded as her carer with your Mum's GP. If it's not too late to get Lasting Powers of Attorney (Financial, and Health & Welfare) executed, do this as soon as possible. I'm assuming that you have already claimed and obtained any benefits to which she/you may be eligible. Attendance Allowance is actually quite important among these as it is a prerequisite for many other claims.
Look for, and join, any Carer Support Groups in your area (or outside it). For me these are an absolute lifeline; to be able to share my problems, concerns, worries, with others in a similar situation, and to get their advice and experience, shows that I am not alone nor, indeed, necessarily in a unique situation - someone has already been there.
Remember, you are not alone; there are many of us out there in similar positions. Keep strong, and keep well.
H
saysHi Brian it’s my husband not my mum that’s is suffering and he a lot younger than your wife he only 71 and does not know what he doing or what day it is nice of to get in touch Keep in touch I am also a lone a trying to look after him
Brian Witcombe
saysDear H, please forgive me for confusing your Mum and your Husband. However, this doesn't alter anything I said - for a change, support problems are not sex discriminatory!
Please think over what I said; being alone, and caring for someone, particularly your partner, on your own is the loneliest situation to cope with. Believe me, I know, I'm there. Were it not for the outside support I suggested to you, I would have been finished long ago. My support comes from knowing that I will be able to vent frustrations, raise concerns, and hear about others' experiences through a weekly online carers' support group session. I also have a carer come in one morning a week to keep my wife company while I get a couple of hours "off duty" - and these are so important. You must have time to do some things you want to do for yourself. You are not being selfish, it is necessary to retain your equilibrium and thus to continue with your task. If at all possible, arrange for your husband to attend day care once or more each week. Hopefully this will keep him entertained while giving you some quality time to yourself, without having to worry about him. You need this. (Currently I am waiting for my wife to be offered a day care vacancy at a centre handling advanced Alzheimer's cases).
As I said before, YOU NEED TO GET HELP. It is not shameful to do this; what is shameful is that so much of it depends on your having to find out about it in the first place so that you can ask for it, instead of it being offered to you up front. As a start you could talk to the Alzheimer's Society Dementia Support advisors tel:0333 150 3456, They should be able to give you some guidance. The main point is that you are not alone, but it is often difficult to find information to support you. There is also the minefield of financial help that you may be entitled to and which no one offers to tell you about. You might find further inspiration here; to give you some background::
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/derek-margaret-dementia-care
and here where there is more practical advice
https://www.dementiaguidance.co.uk/
I know Derek from our carers support group sessions; he is a strong campaigner and has also put together a very useful guide to allowances and other financial issues for dementia sufferers.
Deborah Arduini
saysHi my husband is 70 and I’m his care giver 24/7 he doesn’t talk/walk and has been very sleepy.People say I’m strong ,but it’s so lonely and tiring (I’ve tried three sides for 5/7 hours four days a week and they have left saying it’s too much work and he’s such a sweet man and never complains,this is two years we’re going through this 😢I miss and need a hug I live in ny ( Long Island $
H
saysI know the feeling but sometimes it gets very difficult to cope and social not interested in helping only if there’s a payment than they do something for me but keep doing that it can be expensive when you have house bills to as well they don’t consider that .
Judith Williams
saysIt is means tested but you don't have to pay for any of it if you don't have any savings or over 26 thousand pounds talk to your doctor and they will help
H
saysJudith so if I contact the social services I will get help with out paying them , what type things do they help with what can they actually do to help me
Brian Witcombe
saysH, the financial assessment carried out by Social Services is only on your husband's share of savings etc. If these exceed £23,250 they will not pay for anything. If he has less than this, they will pay - how much depends on how much savings he has.
The Financial Assessment and Care Needs Assessment for your husband, and Carers Assessment for you, are all free of charge, and from these Social Services work out what help and support he and you need, and what they can offer. If you haven't done these yet, or did them some time ago, ask for them to be done now. You have nothing to loose..
H
saysI try that and see what happens
Judith Williams
saysHi thanks I will give it a go, my husband is getting worse now and my health is not good either, he is loosing weight but eating well, doctor told me to give him a high fibre diet and anything he wants to eat,,plus he is starting to get like a yellow tinge to his skin, he has one large kidney, prostate cancer and mixed dementia and autsimers
diane davies
saysi run a dementia cafe in Coleshill North Warks 1st and 3rd Thursday in every month please come along you will be welcome we have sitting yoga hand massage ukulele band and games
Nita Steck
saysMy husband had four strokes and has lost his short term memory and is in the late stages of dementia. He is stubborn and angry to me all the time and now refuses to shower or dress, I am worn out.
Anonymous
saysHi Nita,
We're very sorry to hear about your husband - it sounds like you are having a difficult time. Please know that we are here for you.
We'd strongly recommend calling our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456 for advice and support from one of our trained dementia advisers. More details about the support line (including opening hours) are available here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
We hope this is helpful, Nita.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Sandra
saysTry putting this music on in the background, in the comments you can see it has helped lots of dementia sufferers who are angry or aggressive calm right down, its worth a try, Hope it helps!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Grrz8i2enXg&list=PLc4XaSKjbQJj4H4PCat2H…
Don
saysNita , may God give you strength! My lovely wife Linda has late stage dementia and Parkinson’s. I really do know how you feel , sometimes desperate! Accept all the help that is offered. Linda is currently in hospital after another fall , broken hip this time. Take care x
Lee
saysHiya nita, u need help, u got to put u husband in a carehome and think of uself, u can’t go on living like u are, it’s hard to see him go, but he be looked after and u can see him when u want, and get a social worker to help u
eejjbb
saysHello, of all the sad stories l have been reading yours is the saddest. You wrote very briefly but your words spoke volumes. I popped both Dad then later Mum in a good care home. Things were beyond me. Dad couldn't stand and Mum was getting up in the middle of the night when I was asleep and was a danger to herself. They both got the 24 hour a day care they needed. They wanted to come home but so did many others. Safety first.
Ellen Burton
saysHi I don’t know if anyone will read this, but I just needed to write something
My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia in 2016
She’s gone from being very happy and outgoing, to being in bed 24/7
I took over her care 6 years ago, from doctors hospital and everything in between I luv my mum so much it’s hard to see her change before my eyes daily
I was going to hers 3 times a day to cook clean laundry meds.
Then coming home to do my own.
I cried a lot I felt I had nothing to look forward to and to be honest resentful, not towards my mum, but my siblings I’m 1 of 5 and felt this had just been left to me.
I was 49 and married with a son my life was put on hold I prayed a lot asked god to give me strength joy and happiness so my mum would only see the happy me.
I got so run down in 2019 I crashed my car was admitted to hospital when I was diagnosed with bowel cancer with probable lung spread.
My first thought where for my mum.
I prayed god would take my mum be4 me coz I didn’t wanna die and leave her alone.
Carers where brought in to look after my mum while I had surgery and chemo but I still visited daily except for the week I had my surgery.
I got the all clear in April 2020
So I continued to look after my mum
In September 2020 I got the news my cancer had returned I had my surgery on my sons birthday 1st feb 2021 I got the all clear in June 2021
I brought my mum to live with me in September 2021
It hurts me my family didn’t help out but I’m also great full that the luv my mum and me share kept me going and help me get through my own fight
I know my mum will not be here forever but none of us are
I still pray just to thank god for keeping my mum safe and sound and to bless keeping me here to look after her.
Yes caring is very hard but it gives us the strength we thought we.d never had and shows us who we really are
Anonymous
saysThank you for sharing this with us, Ellen. It sounds like you've been faced with so many challenges.
Please know that we are here for you, and our advisers are only a phone call away. Please call our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456 (opening hours: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line). They will listen to your situation and provide dementia information, advice and emotional support.
You might also benefit from joining our online community, Talking Point. There, you can speak with other people who have been or are currently in similar situations. Talking Point is the ideal place for carers and people affected by dementia to share experiences, advice and offer support. You can browse the whole community without registering, or sign up to become a member and post: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/ It's free to use, and open day or night.
Please do call 0333 150 3456 if you need support.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Maria
saysYou are a wonderful daughter as someone told me. I take care of my mom as well. All I ask of my siblings is to take turns coming to my house when I want to go away. I think that’s fair.
Ellen
saysI think what u ask is very fair, unfortunately life and people are not!
I’ve asked my family to help out just to sit with my mum while I go for hospital appointments. But I rely on carers or my friends
My mum is 84 and will soon be 85 in may
I will throw her a little tea party with some of her church friends and send cake to all my siblings
Why?
Coz I will do everything in my power to be here for my mum and if that means being nice to them while she’s here
Then so be it
When my mum dies I will take a massive step back from my family
Not coz I want to be mean or nasty
But just to give me time away from them so I can heal from them all being a disappointment they’ve been plus I don’t want to be there to ease there guilt
My mum is and always will be my rock
Kerry
saysYou are so brave! I am in a similar position, 3 other siblings but they just won’t help. My mum is 80 and has mixed dementia. She is non compliant with every aspect of her care and refuses outside assistance. I am desperately trying to hold down the full time job I love and don’t get support from any outside services or any family. I am so tired and drained and there are days when I feel broken. I continue on as I want to give her as much quality of life I can but ther are just no services here for dementia sufferers and I am limited with my time off. I’m constantly over there after work and weekends and can barely keep up with my own housework. She is deteriorating quickly and I really don’t know how long I can continue on this road for but I am determined to keep going as long as I can and like you will take a back step when she passes as I do resent my family too as they have decided to be very selfish considering there are 3 other siblings who don’t work at all!
Ellen
saysKerry it’s very hard I have carers coming in and it’s still none stop
I don’t know where u live but maybe look at u and your mum living together somehow
I don’t have many friends but I have a handful of strong wonderful people around me who help out with little things like sitting with her while I go shopping or
Helping with laundry ironing
I’m very independent but once I started asking for help I got it not from the ones I should of but from outsiders
I don’t feel brave I just don’t have a choice big hugs I’m hers if u need to chat anytime x
Alison
saysEllen I read this and I see you. You sound like a truly wonderful person and you’ve got such strength and love. Your mum will know how fortunate she is to have you. You’re amazing.
Ellen
saysAlison I don’t have a choice I either do it and be angry and resentful
Or I do it and pray for the patience and I’m not shy in asking friends and neighbours to help out I’m fortunate I’ve had a wonderful life experience and the memories I’ve made I’ll keep forever
I luv my mum she’s helped me out so much throughout my life it’s my turn to repay her
I don’t know what gods plan is for me but I know this he kept me here and alive for my mum x
Judith Williams
saysHi I feel for you, you must get help to come and give you rest bite, all what you are going through is horrible, but you can't do this on your own, my husband has vascular mixed dementia and I am struggling, he has 8 children and only 1 sits with him to give me a break
Ellen
saysHi Judith
No I don’t have respite I’ve been offered it….but I refused it
I’ve not had a holiday or break in over 6 years
Only the 5 days I had my surgery in 2019
And again 5 days in 2021 due to my second surgery
It’s hard very hard
But now I’ve brought her to live with me it’s easier I only have one home to clean
I order purée meals from oak house but the majority of the time I give my mum what we eat I just cut everything into tiny pieces
And give her plenty of juice and tea
My mum gets poorly often with chest infections or uti’s but I have to keep a close eye on her
The hardest part is the laundry keeping on top of it but I’m hoping to get washer and a bigger dryer to try
My prayers go out to everyone who is looking after someone they luv with mixed or any for of dementia it’s horrendous disease and it’s harder than raising a family X
Pam Bates
saysI have a mother age 85 years old I have been dealing with this since 3 to 4 years and I have been going through confusion a lot and sleeping more than usual asking a lot of questions.
Brenda Hammonds
saysMy mother is 87 and has had dementia since 2015. She is now sleeping 12 to 13 hours daily. She is often weak about 3 to 4 hours after awaking. I need to know should I awake her or let her sleep until she awakes?
Simon
saysThanks for your question, Brenda. We can't provide medical advice for any individual but in general it is OK to let someone sleep a lot more during the later stages of dementia - particularly if they quickly get exhausted during their waking hours.
Ideally a person who knows them well should try to gauge whether they are sleeping because they want to (in which case fine) or because they have little else to do (this can happen when the person has little meaningful activity or routine during the day).
By contrast, during the earlier and middle stages of dementia it can be a good idea to try to have a regular daily routine, including being woken gently at a sensible time, to encourage better night-time sleeping. Otherwise the person's sleep patterns can become very disordered if they are left to sleep at all times of the day.
Many older people can benefit from a short nap in the afternoon but try to limit these to no more than an hour or two at the most.
Hope this helps.
Simon
Lynda Hadley
saysI so appreciate your shared comments. You are doing what you can for your loved one. I am new to care taking & encourage you to join a zoom support group if that is possible, and/or available to you. Feeling alone during this difficult time is real, and speaking with others on zoom I have found very helpful to my spirit.
Claire Dixon
saysOops, I'm American, didn't realize this is based in the UK. Sorry for my mistake.
Ellen May
saysMy husband is 84 years old and has been deteriorating with dementia for about 5 years. Three years ago a neurologist diagnosed him with “mild cognitive impairment “. He hasn’t seen a neurologist since. He sleeps most of the day, gets angry at me for the things he can’t do anymore and is generally unpleasant to be around. I am thinking that a long term care facility is the only option at this point. I don’t know how much longer I can take cleaning up after him, literally and otherwise. Any guidance would be appreciated
Anonymous
saysThank you for your comment, Ellen. We're sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're going through. Please know that you are not alone, and we are here for you if you need someone to talk to.
You can call our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456 to speak with one of our trained dementia advisers. They are here to listen to you, understand your situation and provide you with support. More details about the support line (including opening hours) are available here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
You might also find it helpful to talk to others who have been or are in similar situations. Within our online community, Talking Point, carers and other people affected by dementia share experiences, advice and offer support. You can browse the community or sign up to become a member: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/dementia-talking-point-our-on…
In the meantime, here's some information and resources you may find of interest - our support line advisers can provide you with more, including printed publications and factsheets in the post.
+ Mild cognitive impairment (MCI) - https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/types-dementia/mild-cognit…
+ Caring for a person with dementia: A practical guide - https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets/carin…
+ Care homes: When is the right time and who decides? - https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/help-dementia-care/care-homes…
We hope this helps for now, Ellen.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Chelsie
saysI’m going through the same thing with my mom I’ve been caring for her for 3 years and now it’s to the point I cannot care for her anymore I would say put him in a nursing home for long term or see if the drs can get you home health I chose to go ahead and put my mom in a long term facility it’s just to much stress and when you don’t have family to help it makes it harder physically mentally and emotionally hope this helps god bless you and your family
Karen
saysMy Mum used to go to a day centre for dementia sufferers, they would clect her and see her home, gave my sister and myself some valuable time to ourselves
Andy Bonner
saysMy wife, who is 69, has just been diagnosed with alzheimer's. She has already lost all (nearly) of her short term memory and remembers little of our 40 years together. It is the most heart rending experience going through this with her as she fights to understand what is happening and wonders where her life has gone.
Marie
saysPlease be sure to reach out and get help for yourself. The task before you is a difficult one.
Andy Bonner
saysIt is getting very difficult quickly. She has becomevagressive and paranoid. I have no idea what to do. I can't get her to take her insulin and it all spirals out of control. What are we supposed to do whilst going to work?
Sam
saysI've been carering for my mum for about 9 years now lucky she not aggressive with it is hard work but there is help out there you can contact the contact team at your Council and refer yourself to soical service they will help you get carers in etc so you can still work and enjoy some you time I still work and I've got a 1 year old use the people and things that are there to help good luck and keep up the amazing work you are all doing x
Barbara
saysI am the sole caregiver for my husband who is in end stage vascular dementia. He sleeps 16-20 hours a day. It can be a lonely place. But God gives me the strength to care for my husband
Vc
saysHi Barbara, your husband is blessed to have you you lovingly by his side and you both are blessed to have God walking beside you as well. I’m sure it’s very lonely sometimes; always remember that with God we are never alone. And, He will help, comfort and bless you both.
Do you have a son named Brad?
Deborah Carter
saysHello my name is Deborah, I'm taking care of my88 year old mom with no support, during this dementia, it's so new to me and her, I feel so helpless when she feels lost and starts to cry and tell me I don't know what's wrong with my mind, I google a lot of information, but it's hurting to watch. I'm the youngest of 2 , I also took care of my older sister who passed from cancer& raised her grandchildren, I feel like I'm walking around numb.
Anonymous
saysHello Deborah, thank you for your comment.
We're sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis - it sounds like a very challenging time. Please know that you are not alone, and we are here for you if you need someone to talk to.
You can call our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456 to speak with one of our trained dementia advisers. They are here to listen to you, understand your situation and provide you with support. More details about the support line (including opening hours) are available here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
You might also find it helpful to talk to others who have been or are in similar situations. Within our online community, Talking Point, carers and other people affected by dementia share experiences, advice and offer support. You can browse the community or sign up to become a member: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/
We hope this helps, Deborah. Please do call our support line for more advice and support.
Alzheimer's Society Website team
Sandy
saysHi Deborah, I'm Sandy I am going through the same as you. My father passed two years ago and shortly after that my mom was diagnosed..I'm the only one out of 5 sibling that is taking care of her. Day after day I see her losing herself and it is very heart breaking. I have no support from my family at all. It hurts my heart that my family is just sitting back doing nothing..I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers..
Donna Cope
saysHi Deborah,
My name is Donna and I was just reading your post. I can't believe what you described fits my mother to a "T". She is going to be 95 Valentines Day and I have been caring for her for 2 years now. I took early retirement so I can care for her, and yes it is really tough. I have a home health aid that comes in 4.5Hrs 4 days a week to help out with her. I had back surgery in Oct. 2021 and still under Dr.'s care. Mother seems to be ok in the morning but as soon as 3:00pm hits she starts getting confused and wants to go home to her mothers'. Her mother passed in 1965. I can really sympathize with you. It really hurts when she asks "Can't you help me?" when she feels lost. She knows she is lost or confused, because she tells me she is. When she gets like that sometimes I have to turn the TV off, hold her and tell her everything is going to be ok. She needs to be re-assured to feel safe. I pray a lot, that God gives me the strength to care for her. I will pray for you too. Take Care
Donna Brock
saysHi Deborah, my name is Donna and my mother is 88. I have the same problems you do, my 2 brothers has passed, but I do have 2 children and 1 granddaughter living in the same town, very little to no help. She hasn't went to the bathroom for 30 hours ago.
She talks to people, all night long, that's not here. She wants to call her mother or 1 of her sisters, and she even talked to my dad, in our kitchen, yes, they have passed also... She doesn't know me half the time....
I have been a caregiver for 13 years, I quit to take care of her. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.. I ask God to help me everyday, sometimes more, 3 or 4 times a day...
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you and your family...
Karen Wood
saysMy dad has been increasing his time sleeping. My mom gets so frustrated since she is in a wheelchair. I've told her to just let him sleep and do her tasks
Thankfully they are living their own with some help from me.
Kathy keegan
saysI also am the sole caretaker of my husband. I pray for help each day it is a very difficult situation and very lonley
Merryl
saysPlease reach out for as much help as you can get. Your own health is very Important.I understand the loneliness but if you get some help you will have some time for yourself.
Linda
saysYes it is very lonely. I’m so sorry. I’m the sole caregiver of my 95 year old mother that is on Hospice. Se was diagnosed with colorectal cancer 18 months ago. She refused any treatment.She is bedridden. I’m her only caregiver. It’s very hard and stressful when you have no help. However, I just can’t put her in a nursing home. I think it would be more stressful for me. I once read a mother can have 10 children that she takes care of. When it’s time for her to need help, there is usually only one that will take over the responsibility
Henry Payne
saysMy wife has dementia and is in late stage 6 . And I’m the sole caregiver. It’s only by God’s Grace do I continue to take care of her !! Do the best you can and take time to pray everyday
Roberta Brown
says🙏🏻 To you. My hubby just turned 70 and in the late stage and he sleep a lot also, can’t hardly walk anymore. I’m 56 so I’m blessed and fortunate I can stay home and take care of him.
Jose Pequeno
saysAmen May god continue to give the grace and strength
Evan
says❤️
Valorie Roberts
saysI'm right there with you. Husband is only 68. He's sleeps for the same amount hours. I get angry and won't allow him to sleep sometimes. I know it's so wrong. I pray for forgiveness. His walking seems weaker. It's just the two of us. I have to take meds to sleep. I'm also in therapy for anticipatory grief. God, my couselor and support groups keep me going. Many people have been in our shoes. We will make it. Take care.
Marie
saysMy husband has reached this stage. I understand the loneliness. So many hours without anyone to talk to and no way to go anywhere. But I’m like you, my faith in Christ and knowing my husband is headed to heaven where his mind and body will be healed is what gets me through. I had my first big, uncontrollable cry tonight. Seeing your post somehow made me feel less alone.
Charlene Hughes
saysMy husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia over 2 years ago. He is incontinent both ways. He gets mad when I try to get him up, he sleeps 12-15 hours a day. It's hard to change him in bed because he doesn't follow directions. Any suggestions?
Martha Louise South
saysIt is the hardest thing iv ever done in my life...I seat each my mom day and night 24/7 No. Help. No. Life of my own. Know for 8 years. I read and they to learn more I can do. And than I'm told. I'm doing my all. Its. Really up to. God know. So I greaves know. Pray alot. Dont want to be. Alone. So to those who take care of family with. Alzheimers. Well. Be. Blessed.
Tammy
saysI wish you strength through this journey with your mom!❤️
Jim
saysPrayers for you and your mom.
Ms. P
saysMy husband also has vascular dementia and Parkinson’s. He’s able to know when it’s time to use the bathroom during the daytime, but occasionally has nighttime accidents. I had him evaluated by a urologist and they found a urinary tract infection was causing his incontinence so after his Rx fixed that, I bought disposable underpants for him to wear at night. And since he can’t sleep on a flat bed he lives in his recliner chair. As long as I keep up with his moods, we avoid the worst of it. Every few days he’s as normal as his former self. At one time he was having vivid dreams so our primary care doctor told him to take 5mg Melatonin at bedtime so his brain could relax and he was calm during the sleep cycle. His neurologist has him on carbidopa/levodopa with every meal and now has added Entacapone 200mg . Also on Citalopram at supper. His other meds are for blood pressure . He’s never been violent or argumentative unless I ‘needle him’ trying to get an answer to a question or press him for a quick answer. His father had this disease as well so I believe it is hereditary. Just do your best to try to adjust to his mood swings or messy pants. I’m struggling as I never know what to expect from one day to the next. Today is the second good day in a row! Praise the Lord! We’re both in our late 70’s, some days I feel like I’m taking care of a grownup toddler, I’m too old for that! I hope this was some help, each person is different but ask his doctor or neurologist for help.
Lynette Smith
saysI have my sister living with me for 9 years because her husband walked out when he knew she had dementia, just left her with nothing, not a phone call to family, not a thing. I had to go to other side of Australia to pack her up and bring her to my home. She has late stage’s Alzheimer’s and is getting aggressive, change of personality, so heartbreaking. I am on a “package” but feel that it benefits the Company and not the patient. I know the time has come to look into Aged Care Homes, but with lockdown because of Covid I remain unsure. So much bad publicity oh Aged Care Homes at the moment, I am worried. Sometimes I feel I just can’t do this anymore as I am 76 and my sister is 78, also have 3 older difficult grandchildren living with me which makes it harder. I know so many people in same boat, all the advice I can offer is to keep your sense of humour and when your lived one rests, try and get rest too.
Vicki Lynn
saysI have a question. My mom has started sleeping all day and then is up all night. Is it harmful to give her melatonin at 🌙 bedtime?
Anonymous
saysHi Vicki, thanks for your comment.
Before taking any new medications, it's best to talk to your GP (or your mom's) first. The NHS website states that Malatonin is not suitable for some people, so you should confirm with a health professional.
If you need any other support with your mom's sleeping patterns or other dementia symptoms, you may find it helpful to talk to a dementia adviser. You can call our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456. More details can be found here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
Hope this is helpful, Vicki.
All the best,
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Maria
saysAbsolutely not.wrong ! . Iam going through the same thing . I feel you . Whatever it takes to make them safe . But Don’t forget you .
Marie
saysMelatonin only helps to fall asleep. We found quietapine to help our mother sleep and be more calm.