Advice

How to offer help to someone with dementia who doesn’t want it

My mom is in the late stages of dementia. I have always been the caregiver while my Brother was the fun one. Due to covid she is locked in at the memory care. We visit thru a window. She lights up when she sees my Brother but acts mad at me.
Should I continue to visit or not. I hate upsetting her

My dad is still waiting a referral from the Dr to our local memory clinic. When we contacted the clinic they said it would be a 4 month wait !! My dad was assessed by his GP in April, the memory clinic received his referral beginning of July. He not on any tablets , as the GP says he needs another assessment by the clinic to see how bad he is. He is deteriorating some days ..ie by putting his tea in the sugar bowl to sweeten it. Why can’t the GP prescribe tablets ??

My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in July. She’s been prescribed Aricept and refuses to take it. She says unless her doctor says she needs the tablets she won’t take them. Her GP, community nurse, older adults mental health nurse and myself have all said she needs to take her meds but she refuses as she’s ‘ok’. Her decline has been marked since last November but due to lock down it took us until July to get the diagnosis. It’s compounded by the fact that my dad (who has also been tested but ok) says she’s gone too. It’s really difficult. I have Power of attourney but I’m really struggling. Unless my mum takes her tablets her decline will not slow down. She’s my dads carer as he has mobility issues so I worry about him. They both refuse to accept any care. When they need care it will be after a crisis and really hard to put in place

My sister is getting extremely forgetful. It is difficult for her to remember what decision she has made from one day to the next. When she talks to me, and I am already aware of the decisions she has made or the appointments she has made, it is as though these decisions or phone calls never happened. She also believes people are coming into her home when she is out and stealing items like her cosmetic bag, jewelry, dog collars and other items. Over time I have found many of the items that she believed were taken in unusual places in her home. I am very concerned for her and she refuses see a doctor about her forgetfulness and paranoia. I have tried talking with her and, of course, she gets very defensive. I am very concerned for her as she lives alone and is trying to take care of her finances. What, if anything, can I do to help her??

My Auntie suffered a Mini Stroke approx 12-13yrs old, since then her memory has never been great, but approx 3yrs ago it became apparent that my Auntie was starting to show signs of Dementia
My Auntie has recently been diagnosed with Frontotemporal dementia, Unfortunately, the Doctor who saw my Auntie who was a Stand In, was abrupt & rude even though my Auntie’s note‘s advised of her Anxiety & Sensitivities to approach !!
My poor uncle & cousins are at their wits end, as My Auntie is still in denial even though her diagnosis was nearly a year ago & refusing to speak to any one who could help her, we her extended family are not supposed to know the situation even though it is so obvious when you are with them

My mother has dementia and is hospitalized for a hip fracture. She’s refusing to participate in therapy because it’s painful, but working through the pain is the only thing that will help her heal. She can’t take meds for relaxation due to dementia and blood pressure issues. Any suggestions re: how to help her get through this? Many thanks.

My wife was recently diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's at age 61. One of her telling symptoms is bad judgement. She has fallen for African phishing scams and simply cannot believe the scam emails are not true. Even when shown evidence the people and organizations are frauds. She is clever enough to find ways to access money which she sends via gift cards to the scammers. I have tried reason, coercion, scolding, loving and nothing works. Do you have a recommendation on how to address the problem with her so that she wants to modify her behavior? Nothing will change unless she wants to change. Thank you in advance. I am desperate.

My grandfather has dementia, he became a danger whilst driving and took family members to convince him to sell it, but he would only do so if it remained in the family.
My grandmother has recently passed away and he is obsessed with the will and money, he has more than enough savings and very little to pay, but cant grasp the concept of money worth, for example if he had £50k he thinks he has £500 or £5000.
Family members have identified he has approximately a 10minute memory span and gets fixated over situations. He also has obsessive behaviours ie the posessions are all his and keeps repeating it.
My concern is that the GP is doing very little to progress forward and has diagnosed as non vascular dementia.
When relaying a conversation he tells it a different way to it being said.
My grandfather has accused a family member of stealing money when they havent seen him.
He is vunerable and as such I am concerned he is becoming influenced by another member of the family who may take advantage with some of the posessions or even money, despite having a set will in place.
I would be grateful if you could offer some advice?

My mother is 86 and a Widow. She has been showing signs of dementia for some time now but denies everything. My sister and I were seeing her regularly but soon after lockdown we received a call from the police saying they had found her wondering dazed and confused, they brought her home and raised a safeguarding issue. I spoke to these people who said they could do an assessment for care etc but would cost mom lots of money as she owns her own home and savings. Mom is proud and would refuse anyone in her home and dosnt need a carer if we prompt her to wash, eat etc. Since the police incident she is scared to be on her own and has gone down hill. My sister is splitting her time staying at moms and then taking mom back to hers. She is not safe on her own now trying to walk out late at night, not recognising people etc.. Ideally we would like to sell moms house and my sisters combine the money to get a nice bungalow so we could all live together and help look after each other but although mom agrees one day she dosnt the next. We find ourselves in an impossible situation, she can't say with me as I have stairs which she can't manage and my sisters place is tiny and to small for all moms stuff permanently. Has anyone got any ideas? And how do we get help if she goes mad, at us if we even suggest a chat with the doctor!!

Hello
My mother in law has displayed symptoms of dementia for some time exasperated by the lock down. Annie is 93 we are her carers not there 24/7 it’s becoming more and more worrying she will have a fall to as virtually blind. My trouble is my mother in law is in denial that she can’t look after hers self and my husband is in denial to.

Hi! My Dad passed away recently. My mom has vascular dementia. I would say moderate at this point. Her youngest, son, who has schizoaffective disorder had been living with them, not working, and financially supported by them. He has been taking care of mom for the past 5 months. I am her daughter and I have been helping him. I work full-time and also have mental illness for which I have been hospitalized 4 times. Our other brother also works full-time and has mental illness too. She agreed to live in an independent living facility. She has a beautiful studio apt and all her meals are served in dining room. All of us kids live within 5 miles of her place and at least 1 of us will b there every day. She's been there a week and has gone from extremely mad to sad. This is the best way we can help her. All of us in a supportive role. Non of us, with our mental illnesses can handle being her full-time caregiver. Any advice to help her adjust would be greatly appreciated. She knows she has memory issues, but thinks she can live by herself. She doesn't think we do anything to help her. We do everything for her from meds, to dr appts, to finances, to preparing food, laundry, etc., etc. At least, she listened to her Dr when he said she can't drive.

Looking for help & advice please; my father is showing signs of dementia; confusion, memory problems, disorientation, falls however he won’t admit there is anything wrong and refuses to see a doctor. I have read all of your advice but cannot see persuasion as working as he flatly refuses. My mother has talked to her own doctor but has got nowhere. This is now affecting them both understandably and we really need some help. Thank you

My mother of 73 yrs has been suffering with memory issues for around five years now, I am not allowed to bring up the subject of dementia, yet since my father passed away from leukaemia in 2018 my mothers health is rapidly declining. Her memory loss is getting to the point that it got her a £70 parking fine, all because she couldn't remember the registration of her car for the carpark ticket machine. She's owned the car for nearly ten years. Twice in the last 3 months she has fallen out of bed and bashed her face so bad on the night stand that all down one side of her face and neck is black from bruising, this last time only happened 2 days ago. She can ask me a question and ask the same question 5 times more in less than 5 minutes. Her driving is erratic because shes so nervous and anxious, a number of times shes slammed the breaks on only to realise there is no other car in the vacinity. One time her brain froze at a junction and for around ten seconds she was stationary in the middle of the road. I was with her and I was scared for both of us. It was like a brain zap and then she was back in the moment. My son will not get in the car with her and is terrified she's going to crash and hurt us or even worse someone else. I am at such a loss, I want to support her yet she will not let me for fear, I believe, of losing her driving licence and the only independence she has left. Should I speak with her GP without her knowing? She would never give me permission if I asked. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated please.

I have a 63 year old husband in the State of Michigan and have what is called here, medicaid, it is a set funding for our family because my husband just decided to quit supporting his family. I love him and care for him so much. His personality seems to becoming a personality of hate for me and his special needs son. I have family in Scotland. After my mother's death Oct. 27th 2018 and my husband of 35 years never showed any compassion or empathy for the loss of her or for the loss of both of my son' grandma. No Dr, after the 3rd try even cares. I do, he is my wonderful husband that needs to get an MRI test to find out exactly what is going on. But he won't.

Me and my mum used to have a wonderful relationship up until last year. She is 85 and has vascular dementia /alzheimers diagnosed 5+ years ago,
Memory clinic kept track of her and tablets started last year. Mum was always kind, loving thoughtful, everything you wanted in a mum and she was my best friend. Shes been a widow at 50 since dad died at 50 so i always tried to made sure she was ok. roll onto present day. Mum has gradually got worse, in her behaviour towards me. She is abusive, aggressive and downright vile in what she says to me and my daughter.. Who also tries her best to help. She is in total denial about her problems and does everything herself. Facts are she does nothing. Keeps same clothes on for days, won't go in bath, urine incontinence, no idea about money... The list is endless but as far as shes concerned she does it all. she used to go to a day care centre who deals with dementia patients and its great. Activities, dancing, a proper home cooked meal, and the helpers are lovely, helpful and friendly. Refusing to go now as they are all horrible. Ive got LPA for health and finances. I do the lot. Got to stage last year where I could not cope with going to work, back and forth sorting mum out, trying keep my hubby and my kids happy and keeping house too. Topping it all had to have a foot op so off feet for 2 months. Was so glad of rest. Brother had to step to take over care of mum whilst i was healing. He found it all just too stressful and as soon as i was back on feet I was sorting mam out again...Realised I couldn't /didn't want to do it anymore (eaten up with guilt) so got carers in. Was like starting WW3...mum has refused help, wont let them in, screamed cried, saying its making her ill, she wants nothing to do with me, she is delusional, saying they are horrible to her... Everyone is horrible to her and refusing to go to day care now. All i am after is her house and money she says and just want her in home. Its killing me and watching daughter getting abuse was last straw. I snapped and told mum i hated her. Spent next 2 days crying. Have asked for Psychological old age assessment to see if she has capacity. Am i doing right thing. Ive gone through all chanels, doctors, memory clinic, dementia nurses, social services. Dont think ive anyway else to turn. Looking for that elusive sign saying that its ok and im doing right thing for mum and everyone else. Sorry bout this epic tale. Any Help/hints would be great. Much love to everyone on this dementia journey too.