Advice

How to offer help to someone with dementia who doesn’t want it

My mums 70 I’ve had her put in hospital under the mental health act against her will. I noticed issues about 7/8 years ago she started being very rude to people and blunt I often had to apologise to people.she then threw out all her photographs and I couldn’t understand why until I took some to her and she couldn’t tell me who they were even herself! Most recently we noticed she repeats her words and has almost pre recorded answers to things that could be accepted for most questions! She then started ringing saying things had broken but when I went to check they were fine I think she’d just forgotten how to use them! She had forgotten what many things are such as snow,fireworks sneezes etc she was giving cash to strangers on the street meeting men off the internet and letting them in her home! I became very worried and sought help they decided she was putting herself at too much risk and is currently being assessed against her will she rings me every day swearing at me demanding that I get her out she doesn’t understand we’re trying to help how can I deal with this every day I feel so guilty

My mother in law is 73 years old and was diagnosed with dementia (early stages) in 2019 after the birth or my first son. We live with her and had another baby earlier in 2022. We are struggling with young children and my mother in law is in denial about her dementia and has turned inwards. Other than going for a daily walk she is not interested in meeting people or socialising. She doesn't have any friends and I think she also has leaning difficulties. She is in denial that she cannot do things but often struggles and gets frustrated when we need to help. This has been made worse by COVID. This is putting a huge strain on our marriage as we can get help from my mother, but my mother seems to be a trigger for her mood swings. She also wants to be in the centre of everything we do. I am struggling and could do with some advice on how to support her and ourselves. She has also become moody with our 4 year old and he doesn't understand and I don't feel he is safe around her.

I am at the end of my rope my 82 year old father has been diagnosed with dementia about 4 years ago now he doesn’t listen to me doesn’t wake up to take his pills can’t hear good can’t see good breathing has become worse and his seizures he has just got out of the hospital and is even worse they never said anything to me just that he is ready to go home. I have given up my life and moved in with him about 4 years ago and I am truly not copying at this stage but he will definitely not go into a home he told me he just won’t do nothing I have to work to so I work 6-2 everyday luckily he is up all night and sleeps all day which helps a lot I know he is safe during the day when I am gone but what else can I do please help my own health is also not good

I'm currently struggling with my dad who has a (provisional) diagnosis of vascular dementia. He was given it on discharge from hospital and the care after has been very poor with referrals not made and appointments cancelled, meaning he's yet to see a professional 6 weeks later to confirm it. My dad feels very hurt about this and is reverting to a lifestyle that is very unhealthy for dementia (or just generally) where he rarely leaves the house and doesn't socialise or get any exercise. It's like he doesn't really care that he's going to get worse and wants someone else to fix him. It's very difficult for me and my mom as he's generally disinterested and unwilling to do anything to help himself. He also won't consider power of attorney or moving closer to me so I can help more

I suspect my mother has some form of dementia. Her short term memory loss is very poor - about facts and experiences e.g. she will forget that we went to a concert last night; and certainly forgets questions that she has asked. She also is having quite erratic mood swings - getting angry and upset about quite trivial things. I don't know how to even broach the subject of going to see a doctor without her having a 'tantrum' - because that's how they often are.

Hello my mum has been diagnosed with dementia and we eventually just met with her appointed care manager a few days ago . Up until now i have been doing all the care and gave up work to be there and to do so a year ago . My mum reluctantly agreed at the meeting to carers coming in twice a day ; at lunch time and late afternoon to give me a break but since then is she is refusing to accept this . I do all her shopping , banking , meals etc . she is very difficult about food and eats very little and it is a constant battle every day to get her to eat . I am finding it very difficult to cope as an only child and she is also test book narcisist so there are many things from our relationship that I question why should I get so upset and worry so much . i live very close to her and see her 3/4 times a day and feel my own family are suffering and also it is so hard for them to watch me dealing with the constant stress etc

Hi, my father has been experiencing memory loss for a few years and this is getting progressively worse. He refuses to go to the doctors as he says it's just old age; we've been trying for years. GP will not get involved as he is in denial and in the meantime his symptons (or what I think are symptons) are worsening; aggression, mood swings, inability to remember simple words in a sentence - like food or shower and will sit for hours staring at a turned off tv or his hands, cannot deal with ay unexpected change where the response is not what he thought (gets aggressive with this. Any help and advice would be gratefully received!

Very healthy active father-in-law with early dementia, but lacks insight into his condition he will not seek out food if hungry and will wear the same clothes to bed and not bath or change even though perfectly abled bodied, even if you leave prepared food or bath water.
Other than this you would never know he had dementia, just by talking to him, he is a pleasant fellow otherwise.

Any ideas ?

I recently began caregiving a lady with Alzheimer's dementia. Daily she says she doesn't know me, cries and demands I get out of her house. The family hired me to stay with her to give her husband a break and just to help. Any suggestions on how I should respond to her? Thank you.

My mother in law has health problems and early dementia. She is staying with us right now and I have been helping her. She came here after a recent hospital stay that seemed to speed up the dementia symptoms we had been starting to see. She repeats herself, doesn't always remember to eat or change her clothes, and gets confused. She does remember some things but very sporadic and repeats herself all the time and doesn't know it. However she is insisting she wants to go home. Neurologist has said she should stay where she is until she has some tests and sees them again. But she is adamant she is going home. We have power of attorney but not guardianship. It would be unsafe for her to go home, but she can be nasty and stubborn (worse now with dementia). She believes she will get better and no matter what we tell her she believes dementia is associated with falling and she hasn't had any more "episodes.". We are at a loss and no idea what to do. We know if she goes home to her condo it will result in her probably going back to the hospital. We have suggested assisted living which would be best for her but she wants nothing to do with that. She doesn't care what her doctors say, she wants to go home and she is 75 and should be allowed to do so. Any advice on what we should do?? This is so stressful.

Just had a conversation with my husband about dinner. He said it needed soy sauce. I asked him if he had gotten the soy sauce out. He said no soy I went to get it out of the cabinet. It was not their. I asked again about the soy sauce and he denied that I asked him that., instead insisted that I asked about bowls. My teenage son was standing next to him and heard the whole conversation. Then my husband accused me of using word games to confuse him. I have been in the care giving business for most of my life I don’t play games like that. He has taken me off the list to speak to his doctors. His reason is because I lie about him, I am mean and hateful. I won’t even list the awful things he says to me. With out his convent I can not do anything but my son and I can’t take much more of this. I am going to start recording every conversation maybe I will get someone to believe me and I can get the help he needs.

My mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia almost 2 years ago. She has never believed in taking medication., she thinks that taking coconut oil , krill oil and drinking water are going to help her. She is in denial. Says she is taking her medication but 90% of the time is throwing it away. She is very aggressive and controlling and she sees a member of her family every day for several hours at a time but it is never enough.
Don’t know what way to turn now. If we suggest anything… I’m not ready for that. Or I’m not old, don’t put me in that category

My mother in law refuses all and any help. She is verbally aggressive and gets very angry. She lies to all her children and her forgetfulness is very bad so know one knows the truth or what is going on with her. She refused to wear her personal alarm and never leaves the house. We are all at our wits end and not sure what to do.

My father has been living with us for over six years now, because he had been leaving the gas on (lit and unlit) so we decided it may be time to have him with us. He continued to do this even in his new home and with the change to electric hob the danger was no longer there, even though it was a fight, he does not like change as do any older people.
He praises the new hob, especially because of the safety measures it provides, such as turning itself off. My husband and I want him to remain independent with daily tasks as making breakfast but this was a challenge because he had the mental disposition that he was owed the service and sat waiting for it all to be done for him, eventually after much diplomacy he gave in with much huffing and defiance to making his own breakfast.
We have now after 6 years had many personality issues with him, myself and my husband are mild tempered and struggle with confrontation, but without fail we have had to deal with the atmosphere of a dominant Man, proud and despises any criticism, denial of anything, from dirty shoes, poo on everything to erratic driving. He has a very clever answer to everything, how can I win? I don't argue I reason.
But how do you reason with an unreasonable person....
He is confused about many things, but if it interests him he focuses.
I've left many areas of concern out, including hygiene, driving issues such as righting of a car, incurring speed ticket, being reminded and stopped by police for not wearing a seat belt, not locking front door and even leaving the keys in the front door, sometimes the door left open., leaving taps running... The list goes on.
My main worry is what do I do when he won't comply and thinks he is fine, he even tells friends all his woes but obviously one sided. I would never say to his friends how he is because he has his dignity... I do not want to take this away or build any barriers. He does not want further tests for dementia and he insists on continuing to drive, assuring me he is driving better than ever.
Is anyone else experiencing this, are you living with your parent/parents with this problem.
I really don't know how to tell someone with efficiency who has short term memory loss, without causing more anxiety.

Hi I am the carer for my husband - he has just had the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s 6weeks ago- we have been chasing this for over 2 years - we thought it would be vascular dementia because if his issues from diabetes but it’s not and is Alzheimer’s
My question is please - he has reached the stage where he doesn’t go out, can’t do the simplest of tasks, forgets to wash. Personal hygiene etc - but is refusing any help - giving excuses , plausible answers and saying I am constantly criticising him - I try desperately hard to keep a happy tone of voice but my daughter is saying I am critical -
The only food he makes himself is croissants - looses track of time
How can I encourage him to accept help more graciously ? And us not get into a fight (disagreement) all the time ?
Many thanks fir all help x