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Advice
How to offer help to someone with dementia who doesn’t want it
Do you know a person with dementia or memory problems who is refusing offers of help? Here are a few ways to support someone who may be in denial or lack insight about their situation.
It is common for someone living with dementia to deny that they are experiencing issues with their memory or other aspects of cognition, such as having difficulty holding conversations or carrying out daily living tasks.
This could be due to denial or lack of insight. Similar to denial, lack of insight means that a person with dementia is unable to recognise changes in their behaviour and personality.
Continued denial can cause problems in the person's future. For example:
- they may refuse to accept help
- there could be delays in starting or stopping medication
- they may continue to drive despite it not being safe for them to do so.
Offering help to someone with memory problems who may be in denial
Someone living with memory issues may deny that they’re experiencing problems. This can be frustrating, especially if you’ve been encouraging them to visit their GP for a memory test.
Denial may reflect that the person is feeling fearful and needs time to accept what is happening.
It is possible that they have some awareness of their cognitive issues and may be feeling uneasy or anxious about this. They may also be fearful about the future.
They may feel – or think that other people may feel – a stigma about having a diagnosis of dementia.
Here are some ideas to consider when talking to someone about your worries.
- Broach the topic gently. It may help to remind them that memory issues don’t always point towards dementia.
- Be kind and supportive during the conversation. Listen to their reasons and any fears they raise.
- Let them know that you’re worried about them. Give examples of issues like missing appointments, misplacing items, forgetting names.
- Break down the larger issue into smaller ones. Pick one to focus on, such as, ‘I’ve noticed you’ve been forgetting names of friends. Maybe the GP will be able to help.’
- Keep a diary of events. This will help you show someone you’re worried about that you have ‘evidence’ for your worries. The diary will also support you both if you see a doctor as they may want to see a record of issues.
- Turn the focus towards getting support for their friends and family. For example, ‘If you visit the GP, we might be able to get extra help that would give me a break...’
If their denial of the issue(s) continues, this may further delay receiving an official diagnosis.
Offering help to someone with dementia who denies their diagnosis
Receiving a dementia diagnosis can be a daunting experience.
The person who has been diagnosed may feel a range of emotions, from sadness to disbelief to denial.
When you talk to someone about their diagnosis and how they’re feeling, try to stay calm. This may help calm them down, too.
Denial can be beneficial, as it can give someone time to process news and how they feel about it.
Giving the person time and space to think about their diagnosis and how they feel about it is a good way of approaching the situation.
If they continue to deny their diagnosis, you might start to feel frustrated or unable to help.
There are a few things you can do to support someone who is in denial about their dementia diagnosis or refusing to accept help.
- Keep a diary of events – examples of issues, dates, times, locations – and what happened. This record can support you in approaching the person diagnosed with dementia, if it feels appropriate. You can use it to show them you care and are concerned for them.
- Find out more about local support groups and therapies. Attending these may help the person come to terms with their diagnosis. Talking and art therapies are popular choices.
- Try to stay calm when talking about your concerns. Getting angry or upset can make conversations uncomfortable for everyone involved. The person you’re worried about may be more hesitant to talk to you in the future.
It's important to try talking to the person you're worried about and to encourage them to see a doctor themselves.
Where this doesn’t work, you might consider speaking to the person’s doctor yourself. If doing so, it is best to get the person’s consent, or at least inform them that you are going to speak to their doctor. It will then be for the doctor to decide whether they disclose the information to the person.
Tips for supporting someone with memory loss
Get practical tips and advice on how you can support someone who is experiencing memory loss
If you have a question about dementia, call our helpline to speak with our expert advisers, or join Dementia Talking Point to chat with other people in your situation.
David Coleman
saysMy 94 year old mum who lives with me suffers with mixed dementia. I have few serious difficulties with her taking daily prescription medication, eating, sleeping or other everyday activities. However, she requires AMD eye injections on a 1-2 monthly basis. I have power of attorney for my mum on health matters but the hospital still seem to be keen to get mum to give her consent to have these injections and until recently appear to not fully appreciate the need to fast track dementia patients (though I appreciate this is very difficult when their are so many elderly people who fall into this category). Unfortunately recently my mum refused one of her AMD injections after being kept waiting for a very long time at the hospital for treatment. My mum was very tired on this occasion exacerbated by the time she got to the treatment room following various pre injection checks and said when she finally got to the room where they give the injections all she wanted to do was to have a cup of tea and go home. This was extremely frustrating because they had done everything at that stage barring give the actual injection which literally takes 20 seconds to administer. The eye hospital in question has now kindly agreed to reschedule her eye injection (they couldn’t slot her in later that day) and get her seen first thing in the morning without hopefully any hold ups next time. Is there anything more I can do to increase the chances of her accepting these injection? She stands to lose significant vision in her right eye if I have to stop taking her to the eye hospital which will of course impact markedly on her quality of life.
Hi David,
We're sorry to hear about your mum, and the challenges you're having with making sure she gets her eye injections. It must be a very difficult and frustrating time for you both.
We'd recommend calling our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456 to speak to our dementia advisers. They can listen to your situation in more detail, and provide dementia information, advice, and support specific to you. They're available seven days a week: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
We hope this helps, David.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
mandy whitehouse
saysDad is 89 and was diagnosed with Alzheimers and vascular dementia around 3 years ago. My sister has been going to him every day to make his lunch, do chores, shopping etc for about 2 years. He lives alone following mums death in 2014. I live in France and have rung him every day since mum died. 6 weeks ago he fell in his lounge, alone, but managed to call my sister. Paramedics took him to hospital. He had broken ribs and a collapsed lung. He has had 2 bouts of pneumonia during this time. After 4 weeks in hospital he was sent to an assessment home. He had 3 falls in a week and ended back in hospital again. He insists on going home but we believe he is no longer safe on his own. He refused carers. He always says he can manage but he can’t. He can barely walk and cannot remember if he has eaten/ drunk anything. He is losing weight rapidly and looks so skinny for him. We have a lasting power of attorney but only for finances. We have found a lovely care home for him, especially for Alzheimers/dementia. How on earth do we persuade him it is for his own safety and well being? Prior to recent events he was phoning my sister and myself at all hours of the day and night saying he didn’t know where he was, or what he was supposed to be doing and where is mum? We both have ansafone message recordings of these calls if people don’t believe us. We just want Dad to be safe and well cared for.
Hi Mandy,
We're sorry to hear your dad has been having such a difficult time. This sounds really stressful for you both.
The decision to move into residential care is often difficult, so you may find it helpful to talk this over with our dementia advisers. They can listen to you and learn more about your dad's situation, then give relevant information, advice and support. You can call the Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 456, and learn more about it here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
We also have some information that you may find helpful to read, including our factsheet 'Care homes: When is the right time and who decides?'. You can read this online, download, or order a print copy here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/help-dementia-care/care-homes…
Hope this helps Mandy, and please do call the support line if you'd like to speak to one of our advisers.
Thanks,
Alzheimer's Society blog team
linda fisher
saysNOT SURE ABOUT MY DAD HE IS 89 AND FORGETTING TO PAY BILLS AND SAYING HE PAID THEM I TRY TO APPROACH SUBJECT BUT HE GETS VERY ANGRY I AM THE PERSON WHOM TAKES CARE OF EVERYTHING WHEN HE PASSES HHE HAS A WILL BUT I EXPLAINED I WOULD TAKE ALL THE PRESSURE OFF OF HIM IF HE CAN'T DO IT WE WHERE SUPPOSE TO GET POWER OF ATTORNEY BUT HE SAYS CAUSE I'M THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING WHEN HE PASSES WHICH IS STATED IN THE WILL WE DO NOT NEED POWER OF ATTORNEY
Hello Linda,
Please call one of our dementia advisers on the Dementia Connect support line: 0333 150 3456
They will listen to the situation with your dad and be able to provide you with dementia information and advice specific to both of your needs. (More information about the support line, including opening times, here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line)
We hope this helps.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Gary W. Adams
saysI have an aunt who is 85 and living alone. She is an aunt by marriage, as she was married to my dad’s brother. He died several years ago. They never had children. I was close to my uncle and we lived across the street from them until I went to college. She has some relatives on her side of the family, but they do not live in the town that my aunt and I do. My aunt has made some statements that she believes one of her nieces has been taking things from her, however, she may have misplaced those items or forgotten where she put them. She has also told me that a neighbor has been watching her and is out in his yard at night “doing something” and she is sure he is watching her. She also told me, my wife and my sister that a man came into her house and went through her mail and took her water Bill. Recently she asked me if she could list me as executor on her will and had her will changed to reflect that. She also put me on her bank account in the event something happened to her and she needed help. For whatever reason she closed those accounts and moved her money to another bank. I am not sure how or if I can do anything to get her help or placed in a care facility.. what can I do?
Hi Gary, thanks for getting in touch.
If you're based in the UK, we'd recommend speaking with one of our dementia advisers by calling the Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456. They will be able to provide you with dementia information and advice specific to your aunt's situation. (More information about the support line, including opening times, here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line)
If you're based in the US, please contact the Alzheimer's Association helpline: https://www.alz.org/help-support/resources/helpline
Or, if you're based in Canada, please contact the Alzheimer's Society of Canada https://alzheimer.ca/en/about-us
In the meantime, we do have information on 'accusing' that may be of interest: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/sym…
We also have advice and practical tips for carers on when is the right time for a person to be moved to a care home: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/help-dementia-care/care-homes… This can also be downloaded as a PDF factsheet: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/media/12201
We hope this helps, Gary.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Jen
saysMy mum is 85 and not diagnosed as she will not go near a doctors etc, the first real sign happened January 2020 when she forgot what happened in a particular day. She now talks to hallucinations day and night and makes food for them etc, I took her to live with me as I noticed the cooker left on and she was running out of the house across the road in a panic, she doesn’t sleep well . God so many things too many to mention , she hasn’t seen a doctor as I tried once but was told I can’t make her go and the appointment she did have , went wrong , I am worried all the time as I think she really needs to see a doctor to check she is ok for everything else . I will not put her in a home as she would die there, I work full time at home due to COVID-19 and I am tired and not in good health myself . How do I get her to the doctor without causing her stress, I don’t need a diagnosis as I cannot put her through that due to her fears of doctors and hospitals and care homes. This is the hardest job in the world.
Hi Jen,
Thanks for your comment, and sorry to hear about your Mum's condition.
If the advice in this article isn't helping, then please call our Dementia Connect support line. One of our dementia advisers will be able to learn more about your situation and give personalised information, advice and support. You can call the support line on 0333 150 3456
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
Hope this helps, Jen.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Lin Binns
saysWhere do we start to get help for my dad who was diagnosed just before lockdown with dementia? He is 83 and lives with my mum who has been diagnosed with breast cancer. They both need some kind of support but as a family we don't know where to start. My dad swears constantly and although he is not aggressive with mum he speaks so bad to her.
Hi Lin
We're really sorry to hear about your dad's dementia diagnosis and your mum's breast cancer diagnosis. This must be such an emotional time for you. Please know that support is available and we are here for you.
You may find it helpful to talk to one of our Dementia Advisers for information, advice and support. You can call our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456. Find more information about the support line, including opening times, here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
You might like to talk with other people affected by dementia within our online community, Talking Point. Feel free to browse and read others' experiences, or you can create an account to reply and connect with others who may be going through a similar situation: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/
In the meantime, you might like to get a copy of our free guide 'Caring for a person with dementia: A practical guide' - https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/facing-new-challenges-when-caring-ho… It's available to download now, or you can order a printed copy in the post.
Similarly, we also have information on aggression and dementia, which does include advice with regards to verbal aggression: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/sym… Here's a 21-page factsheet on aggressive behaviour: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites/default/files/pdf/factsheet_dementi…
I hope this is helpful, Lin. Please do call the support line if you need us.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Enterprise Girl
saysWe moved to be near my MIL last year. We knew she was forgetting things and we honestly thought it was because her hearing is impaired. Only once we’d moved in did we see the full extent of her illness. She has her own house but will only sleep there. The FIL is great but he has his own home close by. It’s an odd relationship and it’s not made any easier because of her demanding controlling nature. At Christmas she begged the FIL to stay overnight with her. She now says he’s living in her house and she doesn’t know why! He stays will her all night and she’s up 5 or 6 times a night. She refuses to shower or change her clothes. She won’t let me into her house to get clean clothes for her or anything. She comes into my house about 11.15am every morning, she doesn’t know what day it is but she’s still good with time telling. She stays here all day. Saying things like she doesn’t watch tv but then sits in front of it all day... only allowing us to watch BBC1 all day. She has cheese on toast every day for lunch and will not have anything else. She takes about 5 hours to eat 2 slices of toast. I have to liquidise other food for dinner because she refuses to eat but she does at least get a few spoons of the mush down. She says she does all her own shopping, cleaning and gardening!!!! However, in reality she does nothing but sit in my house. She will not leave until 8pm and once we asked her to go at 7pm so we could organise for a new sofa coming the next day. She’s so selfish and will not be left alone for a minute. She follows me around the house and it’s worse than having a toddler. I have Fibromyalgia and find it more and more difficult trying to help my partner care for his mum. My partner works full time & we now rarely get any time together. My son also works full time and lives with us too. There are 4 adults providing 24 hour care for her but she says there’s nothing wrong with her. It’s mind blowing the stories she tells and we know most have no basis in reality. She won’t let us attempt to get any help or support and we’re all getting a bit fed up. We love her of course but it’s so frustrating trying to get her to do anything if she doesn’t want. She won’t allow us to get her GP involved. She said she wanted to change GP so she was at the same place as we are signed up to but then refuses when we try to fill out the form. I’ve had to help her sort out her bills and council tax but she then says she’s done it. She says she’s tidied up my house but she’s done absolutely nothing but sit in the chair. In her mind she’s still doing everything she did 30 yrs ago but the fact is she isn’t. We can’t get any help or support because she won’t let us. The decisions she makes change like the wind and then she forgets. She is simply not doing well at all and she’s very frail. We are at our wits end because it’s really difficult to try to care for someone who refuses to believe she has a problem! She forgets everything you tell her or if she remembers she gets it all confused and the delusions come into play. It’s really getting to a point where we all have a moan about it but can’t do anything to make it easier for us all. If adverts come through for nursing homes she accuses us of ordering them and she tells us she won’t go in any home because she’s not like the other old folk. There is just no real respite for any of us. She hasn’t had a shower since last summer, she does wash herself she says. She has had the same clothes on since Christmas and it’s now April. I try to offer to help her shower, we have a disabled access bathroom in our house but she refuses to have a shower. I say bring some clean clothes down and I’ll help you and get these ones washed. She refuses. She smells very bad but we can’t do anything because it would be most likely seen as abuse. It’s horrendous and COVID hasn’t helped. I don’t know how much longer we can cope with her. She has moderate to severe dementia from everything I’ve read up about the symptoms. We can’t get any help from any agencies because she doesn’t have a diagnosis. I don’t believe she has the mental capacity to deny medical treatment but without a diagnosis she’s deemed in law to have capacity. She forgets names all the time & even asked me how old her son was on his 50th birthday and then argued that he was only 20! It’s hard work and really frustrating because there is no days off from it. If anyone has any ideas to help us get her to the GP to get a diagnosis then we can progress from there. Thanks
Hi there,
We are sorry to hear about the situation you and your family are going through.
You can speak with our dementia advisers on 0333 150 3456. They're available seven days a week to provide information, advice and emotional support: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
Some people also find it helps to talk with others who have gone through or are going through similar experiences. If you think this would help, you can visit our online community, Talking Point, for peer support: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/ It's free and open day or night.
We hope this helps for now.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Cam
saysI’m going through similar problems with my partner. We are experiencing so many of these issues. Unfortunately, when her sons visited today after not seeing her during the shut down, they took her for lunch and made their own decision as to her condition for a 2-3 hour visit. When necessary she can put on a good, very temporary, front. When I tried to update them, they’d take their mom’s word over mine and they attributed what they saw as just some hearing difficulty and OLD AGE. Any possibility that she would believe my experiences with her for 50 years over them just was wiped out. And I do know what to look for having been trained and had my practice as an Occupational Therapist. I feel like they undermined the situation rather than contributing to some solutions.
Enterprise Girl
saysI’m so sorry you’re going through a similar thing with your partner. It’s hard for anyone to fully understand when they spend a limited amount of time with the person who is ill. They are very clever at putting on a show for others but after that it’s just you and them coping without the show behaviour. I wish I had words of comfort but I don’t all I can say is to try to stay positive and keep a sense of humour (which is easier said than done on the most trying of days). Video your partner talking about their earlier life and see the stories morph out of reality then show those to your partners sons….it could help to show them that their mum might be lucid at times but is confused at other times. Also it’s harder for the children (even the adult ones) to want to admit their parent isn’t who they once were. It’s very upsetting and strange for them to see the parent who has been there, wise and strong, for their whole life become a shell of that person. I know my other half finds it very upsetting and it’s difficult to watch their interactions at times. He gets frustrated that his mum is not who she once was and he has said that she looks like his mum but that she’s no longer the person who was mum. It’s like she’s a stranger masquerading as his mum without the full back story of their relationship. Just keep going and do your best because you cannot do more than your best due to the limitations of your situation. Try to get some time for yourself whenever you can because you also need to look after yourself. Much love and best wishes that tings improve a bit for you.
Susan Aspinall
saysI sue aspinall would like someone to answer my question on alzimer my mum said I won't beable to go out now I've got alzheimer after she read her letter
Hello Sue,
We'd recommend calling our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456 to speak to our dementia advisers. They can listen to the situation and provide dementia information, advice, and support. They're available seven days a week: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line If you'd prefer to contact them via email, please do so at [email protected]
We hope this helps.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Jane Hardy
saysMy mom has been diagnosed with dementia with lewy bodies. She is now starting to need things. I brought a commode for her as her toilet is down stairs. I was wondering could I get any help with a walking on wheels or do you just have to buy these things yourself. The doctors have prescribed tablets but I don't know what to do next. She lives on her own
Hello Jane, thanks for getting in touch.
We'd recommend calling our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456 for dementia information, advice and emotional support specific to your mother's needs. Our advisers are here for you seven days a week: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
You might also benefit from talking with other people affected by dementia within our online community. Talking Point is free to use, and open day or night: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/ People use Talking Point to share their own experiences and talk about situations they are going through.
In the meantime, we have a booklet about ways to make the home dementia-friendly: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets/makin…
You can also browse our Online Shop for daily living aids, which may be useful: https://shop.alzheimers.org.uk/daily-living-aids
We hope this is helpful.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Cam
saysJane,
If you have a Senior Center in your area, they usually have access to loaners or gifted aids like walkers, wheelchairs etc. Also our Cerebral Palsy Association has loaners as well. It’s a great service.
Roberta Stefanyshyn
saysA dear friend has just been moved from an assisted living facility to his son's home waiting for placement in a nursing home. I have been a constant friend-- talking to John almost every day for the past 6 years. I asked his son to let me speak to John on the phone, but John refuses to talk to me or see me. I know I haven't done anything wrong-- how can I convince him to let me talk to him-- his son, his daughter-in-law and his daughter have all tried but he is adamant that he doesn't want to talk to me. We talked all last week before he moved and everything was fine.
sherry j stewart
saysmy father is awaiting for a decision if a facility can take him in . he recently broke his hip and has had surgery. Now he awaits in the hands of caretakers and strangers. I am so helpless to him at this point, but i do need some advice. can you help us?
Hello Sherry,
Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you're going through a very stressful time.
Please know that our dementia advisers are here you. Call our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456 and our dementia advisers can listen to your father's situation and provide information and advice. The support line is available seven days a week: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
We hope this is helpful.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Christine
saysMum was diagnosed on December 2020, she is in denial. She got very upset after the call from the Adult Mental Health worker, crying saying she didn't need him telling her what to do or to attend groups, which at present isn't possible anyway, that she has her own friends who tell her there isn't anything wrong with her memory, not helpful.
Although there are 5 of us I am in her support bubble as I have POA for her finances and health. My eldest sister lives with mum but works.
Lockdown isn't belling as mum is a sociable person, enjoyed going out. She does try to go for a walk each day but has admitted asking someone the way home. Don't want to discourage her from walking is there something we can do to help her with this?
My sisters are all happy to help not sure what restrictions or rules they might break but worried about mums state of mental health.
Hello Christine,
Thanks for your comment. We are sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis. You might be interested in ordering or downloading The dementia guide, which is a useful resource after a recent dementia diagnosis: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/publications-about-dementia/the-dementia-…
We also have information specifically focused on activity ideas for people with dementia during coronavirus: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/coronavirus/activity-ideas-de…
We also have a page on providing support during coronavirus for a person with dementia who lives alone (https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/coronavirus/support-person-de…) as well as how to support a person who lives far away from you (https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/coronavirus/supporting-person…).
These are all part of our coronavirus support pages, which are kept up-to-date with the latest government guidelines: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/coronavirus
We also have a blog post about ways to exercise safely while staying at home - you may find this useful, too: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/5-exercise-activities-dementia-coron… This includes a free, downloadable poster with tips for staying active at home (https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites/default/files/2020-05/Staying%20act…) as well as suggestions for seated exercises (https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites/default/files/2020-05/Seated%20exer…).
We'd recommend calling our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456. Our dementia advisers can provide further ideas, give you dementia information and advice, and provide emotional support. More about our support line: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
You may find it helps to talk with other people who have gone through or are going through similar experiences. Visit our online community, Talking Point, for peer support: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/ It's free, and open day or night.
We hope this is helpful.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Sue Ellams
saysI feel your pain, My 90 year old aunt has been diagnosed and due to her frailty is a rapid progression. It is a horrible disease, this is not my aunt, she lives in denial, trying to keep control, fabricates what she doesn’t remember, refuses to eat, other than sweets, and refuses care. It’s so sad, we are hitting crisis point. We have reached out for help, we are on our knees, at a loss to what to do next
Gloria Purham
saysMy sister was diagnosed with dementia in December 2020. She is in complete denial. She has an apartment in an independent senior living facility. She is constantly misplacing items that she thinks are being stolen. We have placed a lock on her closet door and the facility has installed a camera outside her door. She misplaces purses, shoes, jewelry, medication, etc. and believes she is being targeted by the workers . I hate to see her upset all the time. I have tried saying I understand, pointed out items she said were stolen that appear, change the subject- but she goes back to someone is robbing her blind. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks
Lis
saysWe have the same issue with my mother. She is even threatening to go to the police to report "the children" that are breaking in her house and stealing her things. She's written up a list of stolen items to give to the police and is daily demanding that my sister take her to the police station and "the children's" parents to confront them. Very frustrating because even when the items "re-appear" there's an explanation for how they were retrieved from "the children".
James
saysI have the same problem with my mum, my dad has been moved to a care home after a stroke and mum has never been diagnosed with anything before (clearly my dad was doing everything for her). I'm going over there 1 -3 times every day and she keeps emptying out her purse and her bag and hiding things then thinks that someone has broken in and stolen things. She won't accept she may have forgotten where she puts things, even after I've managed to find most of the things. She then gets aggressive at me for saying bit may be her.
Natalie Prohaska
saysMy mum is forgetting things more and more as time goes by
She cannot sign her name because she can’t remember her signature, forgets her date of birth continuallly ask where her dog is even if it is near her feet, won’t put her bag down even at our house and she does this so she doesn’t have to ask where it is,
Our problem is she will not see a doctor not for this or anything
My question is is there a firm in Adelaide that can come to the house act like my or my dads friend and asses her like a o home doctor but not showing that you are a doctor
Please help
Hello Natalie, thanks for getting in touch. We're sorry to hear you're going through such a challenging time.
Unfortunately we are unable to provide recommendations for firms that you're looking for. However, we would suggest contacting an organisation in Australia that may be able to give you support for you and your mum's needs.
Dementia Australia (https://www.dementia.org.au/support) have a National Dementia Helpline: 1800 100 500
Dementia Support Australia (https://dementia.com.au/services) have a number for 24-hour help: 1800 699 799
In the meantime, we do have information about denial (and lack of insight) that might be a useful read: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/help-dementia-care/understand…
We hope this is helpful for now.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Yasmine
saysMy grandad is getting worse by the day. He doesn't know the day, gets angry and frustrated really easily, walks up and down the bungalow. Looks for my nan when she's not in the same room. Forgets what he does in a room for. Talks to himself and does fast actions with his hands and when he looks at you he looks right through you. He opens the door every 5 minutes and looks through it. He doesn't remember anything from the present but his past he is really good at remembering. He asks the same questions over and over again and he has to be reminded to eat and drink. He refuses to go to the doctors and it's taking its toll on his wife and family. We don't know what to do as multiple times we have told his gp and they have said he needs to go himself. He is deteriorating really fast and he is still driving a car. There seems to be no help. He has recently been in the hospital due to passing out. We told them multiple times we think he has Alzheimer's or dementia and they clearly didn't listen as they left him to walk out of the hospital on his own after being discharged when we told them not to. We had to look for him and finally found him wondering around the carpark. I don't know what we should do because I feel it's going to take for something really bad to happen for people to listen to us.
Hello Yasmine,
Thanks for getting in touch. We're very sorry to hear about your grandad's situation. This must be such a difficult time for you and your family.
The General Medical Council (GMC) helps to protect patients and improve UK medical practice. It produces clear guidance on confidentiality. This guidance states that a doctor should not refuse to listen to someone who is close to the patient on the grounds of confidentiality.
The GP should listen to any concerns that carers, relatives, friends and others close to the person have, because this information may help their patient.
You can read more about this within our guidance 'Can the GP share information with carers?' - https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/help-with-dementia-care/gp-sh…
The full factsheet, titled 'How the GP can support a person with dementia', is available to download as a PDF - https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites/default/files/pdf/factsheet_how_the…
In the meantime, please know that we are here for you. You can talk with one of our dementia advisers about the current situation with your grandad. They'll provide you with information and support. You can call our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456, but please do take note of Christmas opening hours: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line
We also have an online community where people affected by dementia, such as family members, can share their own experiences and provide each other their own support, too. It's free, and open day or night: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/dementia-talking-point-our-on…
We hope this is useful for now.
Alzheimer's Society blog team
Kirstie Harper
saysI had the same problem with my father. In the end I spoke to my own gp who said that she would always listen to family members in this situation. Her advice to me was that I should ask for him to be referred to a memory clinic.
I then called my father’s gp and requested this. Unfortunately his gp wasn’t very receptive to this so I went onto say that if this didn’t happen I would make a complaint against him and the practice.
My father then went for his third memory test at the surgery and a referral was made.
Not ideal to have to do this however I was listened to and my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
relirely
saysMy 42 years old sister started behaving strangely since beginning of this year.
She stopped neglecting herself, won't have a shower despite lots of encouragement, won't clean her household, stays in the dark with a little candle on, forgot how to access her bank account or pay any bills. She says can't sleep at night and she stands up most of the time, her legs began to swollen, she looks very sad and depressed crying at times. I have offered my help to speak with her GP but she refuses everything saying she will do in her own time, but she doesn't.
It has past more than 3 months since I discovered this and I am very worried and frustrated that this will get worse and worse.