IS IT RIGHT OR WRONG TO LIE TO PATIENTS WITH DEMENTIA?
I dealt daily with my Mom’s dementia for 7 years. There is no exact answer for “lying or not” with a dementia patient!!! There were times I told my mother the truth because I sensed knowing would ease her anxiety or anger. She was furious with my Dad and complained bitterly one day about his lack of consideration for going out and not telling her or leaving a note. (My Dad had been dead for 12 years at that point). When I told her Daddy was dead and we talked about him and I assured her that her husband would be right here with her if he were alive. She was comforted and calmed. There were other occasions, when I was out of town, and I would speak to her in the evening. She expressed loneliness and anxiety. It did no good to remind her that I had just been with her the day before because she could not remember. HER ANXIETY WAS RIGHT THEN. I would lie and say ,” I will see you in the morning “, even when I knew it would be three days before I could be with her. Keeping her calm and reassured was THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. I lied frequently when it was what would comfort her or calm her or keep her safe. I NEVER argued with her when she was wrong because it would have been as reasonable as arguing with a cocker spaniel.
My Mom lived her last years for the most part happy, or at least content. She did not have the problematic episodes of depression or combativeness or wandering; which is so common to Alzheimer’s patients. I AM CONVINCED IT IS BECAUSE I ADAPTED TO HER WORLD instead of trying to keep her in the “real” world - that was totally beyond her comprehension. I validated her worries and focused consistently on reassuring her that everything was OK. If she said,”I can’t remember”- I would say, “ It is okay, I remember and will tell you what you want to know”. Even if it meant I repeated A LOT! . I will not be convinced it was wrong and her gerontologist told me my Mom was a pleasure because, she was happy- a rarity in his practice.
Dementia Support Line
Linda
saysIS IT RIGHT OR WRONG TO LIE TO PATIENTS WITH DEMENTIA?
I dealt daily with my Mom’s dementia for 7 years. There is no exact answer for “lying or not” with a dementia patient!!! There were times I told my mother the truth because I sensed knowing would ease her anxiety or anger. She was furious with my Dad and complained bitterly one day about his lack of consideration for going out and not telling her or leaving a note. (My Dad had been dead for 12 years at that point). When I told her Daddy was dead and we talked about him and I assured her that her husband would be right here with her if he were alive. She was comforted and calmed. There were other occasions, when I was out of town, and I would speak to her in the evening. She expressed loneliness and anxiety. It did no good to remind her that I had just been with her the day before because she could not remember. HER ANXIETY WAS RIGHT THEN. I would lie and say ,” I will see you in the morning “, even when I knew it would be three days before I could be with her. Keeping her calm and reassured was THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. I lied frequently when it was what would comfort her or calm her or keep her safe. I NEVER argued with her when she was wrong because it would have been as reasonable as arguing with a cocker spaniel.
My Mom lived her last years for the most part happy, or at least content. She did not have the problematic episodes of depression or combativeness or wandering; which is so common to Alzheimer’s patients. I AM CONVINCED IT IS BECAUSE I ADAPTED TO HER WORLD instead of trying to keep her in the “real” world - that was totally beyond her comprehension. I validated her worries and focused consistently on reassuring her that everything was OK. If she said,”I can’t remember”- I would say, “ It is okay, I remember and will tell you what you want to know”. Even if it meant I repeated A LOT! . I will not be convinced it was wrong and her gerontologist told me my Mom was a pleasure because, she was happy- a rarity in his practice.