Dementia Support Line
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Help bring dementia out from behind closed doors and tell us, what is your reality of dementia?
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My mum was diagnosed with dementia in 2018. She had vascular dementia she was 85 when diagnosed and died in 2023. I noticed things weren’t right and took her to the...
My dear Dad had dementia, his condition getting worse. So I went to see my dad at his home, he was not there, he had been taken away to a home . No one had told ,...
My mum Dorothy had a diagnosis by her doctor for...
We noticed things were changing with Mum about 10...
My mother, Betty had Alzheimer's and died 12 years...
My husband was showing signs of dementia so we saw our doctor who agreed and was arranging for him to see the neurologist for a diagnosis. That was last July 2023. If...
I started looking after my dad at 22 years old. I...
The thing about receiving a diagnosis means being...
Our mother had a fall just before the covid epidemic....
After a brain scan in 2017 my husband was diagnosed...
My partner has terminal cancer. After problems with memory, he sought help from his GP. The local memory service and consultant there diagnosed Frontotemporal...
My dad was getting memory impairment - we could see this as a family but it took a while to get a diagnosis - he was super-intelligent and so those who didn't know him...
My mum was diagnosed with dementia in 2018. She had vascular dementia she was 85 when diagnosed and died in 2023. I noticed things weren’t right and took her to the doctors and asked them to discretely test her they did and she was properly diagnosed by the memory clinic. She never accepted it and the medication given she took for one day and no more after that. She was advised to wear hearing aids at this would help but she refused to wear them and this did not help. I managed her at home during lockdown keeping her house and mine. I got carers in at first once a day and then progressed to four times. She wouldn’t have ready made meals so I would have to cook for the week and the carers would cook the potatoes and fresh vegetables.
She kept falling and after a spell in hospital it was decided to put her in a home. She was upset and kept wanting to come home. I would go in everyday and on Sundays took her out for her usual day out. Just driving her to various places and to my dads grave. In 2023 she spent 6 weeks in hospital after becoming unwell. She had, had a silent heart attack. She was very poorly. She also had macular degeneration and lost her central vision. Treatment in the hospital was diabolical, finding her in her faeces ;nurses trying to feed her while she was asleep and giving her her medication. I gave all the information about her when she went into hospital and it was just ignored. Complaint made to hospital regarding treatment. No care at all. When she came back to the home she never got out of the bed again and just deteriorated. Overtime I requested GP to visit they always refused and asking me “what did I want” there is no empathy from anyone in hospitals or the GP’s. My mother retired from work aged 75 and deserved better respect than she got from the professionals. Thankfully I was with her when she passed and it was very peaceful.
She kept falling and after a spell in hospital it was decided to put her in a home. She was upset and kept wanting to come home. I would go in everyday and on Sundays took her out for her usual day out. Just driving her to various places and to my dads grave. In 2023 she spent 6 weeks in hospital after becoming unwell. She had, had a silent heart attack. She was very poorly. She also had macular degeneration and lost her central vision. Treatment in the hospital was diabolical, finding her in her faeces ;nurses trying to feed her while she was asleep and giving her her medication. I gave all the information about her when she went into hospital and it was just ignored. Complaint made to hospital regarding treatment. No care at all. When she came back to the home she never got out of the bed again and just deteriorated. Overtime I requested GP to visit they always refused and asking me “what did I want” there is no empathy from anyone in hospitals or the GP’s. My mother retired from work aged 75 and deserved better respect than she got from the professionals. Thankfully I was with her when she passed and it was very peaceful.
Maria
My dear Dad had dementia, his condition getting worse. So I went to see my dad at his home, he was not there, he had been taken away to a home . No one had told , I was heart broken.
Mark
My mum Dorothy had a diagnosis by her doctor for vascular dementia. She lived with the condition for 9 years. The first 3 years we managed to support her at home. After a serious fall and fracture we had to move her to a home. Like many when covid came it was very difficult. We nurses her at home for the last 18 months with some wonderful support. I’m currently walking the Camino Frances in Spain to raise awareness for Alzheimer’s Society and fund raising.
James
We noticed things were changing with Mum about 10 years ago when she was 74. Both her and my Dad were adamant there was nothing wrong - this was not the retirement and later life they were expecting. After much insistence by us, they both had a test and Mum had cognitive decline, later to be Alzheimer’s. Dad cared for Mum - she was his wife, his love and would not hear of anyone else helping. Things got progressively worse and Dad finally agreed for Mum to go to a day centre each week and a helper for Mums showers etc. Then covid hit and Mum started to change quite rapidly, crying and very depressed. Dad would call me from the garage as it was the only place he could talk to me in private, in confidence and often shed a tear., something he didn’t want Mum seeing or hearing.
In Feb 2021 Dad died, his heart gave out and he couldn’t cope anymore. It was only after his death that we discovered that he had also been diagnosed with dementia. We can only imagine the anguish this caused him, the father of 3 girls and husband to a beautiful wife, and the realisation that he couldn’t look after us all or fix this.
If we had had an earlier diagnosis, earlier intervention and support, things may have been easier for us all. Dad wouldn’t have had to compromise his love and ask for help as it would have been there.
3 years on, Mum is in a care home, their retirement bungalow sold to pay for her care. Mum and Dad both worked from 16 and 14 years old respectively, never out of work and were the first in their families to be homeowners, something they were immensely proud. This was to be their gift to us but instead we have about a year of funding left. After that, we just don’t know what will happen.
In Feb 2021 Dad died, his heart gave out and he couldn’t cope anymore. It was only after his death that we discovered that he had also been diagnosed with dementia. We can only imagine the anguish this caused him, the father of 3 girls and husband to a beautiful wife, and the realisation that he couldn’t look after us all or fix this.
If we had had an earlier diagnosis, earlier intervention and support, things may have been easier for us all. Dad wouldn’t have had to compromise his love and ask for help as it would have been there.
3 years on, Mum is in a care home, their retirement bungalow sold to pay for her care. Mum and Dad both worked from 16 and 14 years old respectively, never out of work and were the first in their families to be homeowners, something they were immensely proud. This was to be their gift to us but instead we have about a year of funding left. After that, we just don’t know what will happen.
Nicola
My mother, Betty had Alzheimer's and died 12 years ago, aged 84, she was diagnosed approx. 5 or 6 years before, her only assessment consisted of answering questions and adding the numbers on a clock face, which she was unable to do. She was offered medication which had no affect whatsoever and was offered little help, only given the name of a person to contact if worried and at a time she did need help we contacted this person who was on holiday and there was no one covering in her absence.
I worked full time, caring for my mum early morning, teatime and bedtime, paying for carers to come in during the day until I could no longer keep her safe in her own home and I had to put her into a care home, at this stage she was doubly incontinent, couldn't dress or wash herself and she didn't know who any of her family were, but what amazes me is she always remembered the name of her dog and her date of birth.
We were one of the lucky ones as after 3 assessments she was considered to be totally unable to do anything for herself and was awarded the nursing care funding and we were refunded all the care home fees we had paid.
My mother passed away 14 months after entering the care home. It seems to me after all these years there has been little improvement in dementia diagnosis or the help available.
I worked full time, caring for my mum early morning, teatime and bedtime, paying for carers to come in during the day until I could no longer keep her safe in her own home and I had to put her into a care home, at this stage she was doubly incontinent, couldn't dress or wash herself and she didn't know who any of her family were, but what amazes me is she always remembered the name of her dog and her date of birth.
We were one of the lucky ones as after 3 assessments she was considered to be totally unable to do anything for herself and was awarded the nursing care funding and we were refunded all the care home fees we had paid.
My mother passed away 14 months after entering the care home. It seems to me after all these years there has been little improvement in dementia diagnosis or the help available.
Amanda
My husband was showing signs of dementia so we saw our doctor who agreed and was arranging for him to see the neurologist for a diagnosis. That was last July 2023. If his appointment is not put later in the year again. he should see the nhs specialist in august2024. Although we are both in our 80’s we, like many others, have never used private healthcare because we believe in ‘care for all in need’ but feel we have no choice but to go privately. Alan received a diagnosis of Parkinson’s although he is now having to be fed and is permanently in a wheelchair while we are still waiting for an NHS diagnosis .
Beryl
I started looking after my dad at 22 years old. I took care of him for 10 years and sacrificed my own life, my own health and what should of been my best years.
Heartbreaking to see my dad lose himself and dealing with all that alone, just me and him. No government help or support unless the person affected with dementia has his bank account drained. To work all your life, supply the system, for it all to be taken away. To eventually have carers that actually don't really care and do the minimum and disrespect your property. The depression i got from all of it was soul destroying, and I'm left to re build myself full of stress while picking up the pieces and i can never respect or forgive the UK government for treating people like me this way.
Heartbreaking to see my dad lose himself and dealing with all that alone, just me and him. No government help or support unless the person affected with dementia has his bank account drained. To work all your life, supply the system, for it all to be taken away. To eventually have carers that actually don't really care and do the minimum and disrespect your property. The depression i got from all of it was soul destroying, and I'm left to re build myself full of stress while picking up the pieces and i can never respect or forgive the UK government for treating people like me this way.
Chris
The thing about receiving a diagnosis means being able to plan.
As part of the diagnosis we could get attendance allowance to help with care.
This has meant can get adaptions completed to the bathroom. And repairs undertaken that were neglected by Mum.
This has meant we can keep Mum in her own home. Where she keeps life skills.
I could apply for deputyship to help deal with Mum's finances and arrange care.
Which means Mum can got our more Vis live in carer.
As part of the diagnosis we could get attendance allowance to help with care.
This has meant can get adaptions completed to the bathroom. And repairs undertaken that were neglected by Mum.
This has meant we can keep Mum in her own home. Where she keeps life skills.
I could apply for deputyship to help deal with Mum's finances and arrange care.
Which means Mum can got our more Vis live in carer.
Rachel Pickering
Our mother had a fall just before the covid epidemic. This we feel started her demise to dementia. Having eventually arranged a Memory Test (this having to be over the phone and a home visit, because of Covid) she was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and prescribed medication. This is where the medical and care help stopped, she didn't qualify for a care package! We then as a family had to go online and research Dementia, which was a minefield of information to go through, but we prevailed and contacted many organisations and health departments. If this information was readily available at doctors surgery's this would have saved so much time and anguish. The outcome of our determination for our Mum is that she's now happily residing in a wonderful care home 10 minutes away from my sister.
Maureen
After a brain scan in 2017 my husband was diagnosed with “cerebrovascular small vessel disease.” We had no idea what this was but told the NHS consultant we were worried about dementia. His response was:
“Don’t worry about it; it will still be in there, just take longer to come out.” No advice, no further appointments, that was it.
At home I researched the disease online and realised it amounted to Vascular dementia, and read about the likely progress of the disease. No medical professional actually gave that designation.
It’s been a long hard road coping with each stage since, with no support from social services and having to refer myself as a Carer. Especially with the pandemic coming in the middle of his 7+ years of decline. I would hope that others receive help and support earlier.
My image shows us after my charity walk to raise money for dementia to mark my 70th birthday, which was during the lockdown period. This was 4 years ago in 2020.
“Don’t worry about it; it will still be in there, just take longer to come out.” No advice, no further appointments, that was it.
At home I researched the disease online and realised it amounted to Vascular dementia, and read about the likely progress of the disease. No medical professional actually gave that designation.
It’s been a long hard road coping with each stage since, with no support from social services and having to refer myself as a Carer. Especially with the pandemic coming in the middle of his 7+ years of decline. I would hope that others receive help and support earlier.
My image shows us after my charity walk to raise money for dementia to mark my 70th birthday, which was during the lockdown period. This was 4 years ago in 2020.
Eileen
My partner has terminal cancer. After problems with memory, he sought help from his GP. The local memory service and consultant there diagnosed Frontotemporal Dementia, which wasn't correct. We were concerned about the diagnosis and sought further advice from a consultant neurological consultant, who eventually confirmed Alzheimer's Disease. The delay in an accurate diagnosis delayed the start of drugs treatment. We have sought a second opinion as our confidence in the diagnosis was dented very significantly. So in summary, my partner has been battling terminal cancer for 11 years and now has moderate Alzheimer's Disease. He has multiple other health issues that are in the main the consequences of extensive cancer treatment. Stephen receives great oncology health care but other support is virtually non existent. We want government to put in place decent social care support for those with dementia and their carers.
Trevor
My dad was getting memory impairment - we could see this as a family but it took a while to get a diagnosis - he was super-intelligent and so those who didn't know him would have thought he was just normal even as we could see he was becoming impaired. He was eventually diagnosed with vascular dementia. We had noticed by the time dad passed away that mum's memory wasn't so good. She I think was in denial and could mask well and pretend everything was OK to friends who didn't know her well. Eventually she agreed to an assessment and was diagnosed with Alzheimers. She's quite advanced now and is happier since she agreed to go to a care home - things were tough at home - she would wander and fall over outside. Early diagnosis is important to me because I am well aware I have a high risk of dementia and would like to get started on treatment as soon as is needed and spare my family from the challenges we have had.
Liz
Share your story
Help bring dementia out from behind closed doors and tell us, what is your reality of dementia?