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Help bring dementia out from behind closed doors and tell us, what is your reality of dementia?
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My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease and we had been unable to get a diagnosis from the GP initially. Age UK and the Alzheimer's society were extremely...
My father had dementia, it started in 2019. We had to...
My wife has Alzheimer's Disease and I have cared for her full time since the symptoms became apparent in 2019 and her diagnosis in 2021.
I've learned some things I'd...
My mum longed to be a grandparent. When we had our...
My lovely Dad passed away this year after living with Alzheimer's for around 8 years, with the latter 3 years living in a care home. Nothing can prepare you for it as...
I have been on the dementia journey for 18 years. My...
My mum had frontal temporal dementia . After her...
My husband of 54 years has Mixed Dementia. He had...
My sister dies in February at 62 with Alzheimer’s,...
My mother has Alzhimeimers, but it took 3 years for...
My mother, like my grandmother, developed Alzheimers in her 80's. My father and I cared for her at home. Her personality changed and she often did not want to wash,...
Many family and friends have dementia and have died at home, in a hospice or in a hospital. Diagnosis takes too long. There is no effective treatment abundance it is...
My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease and we had been unable to get a diagnosis from the GP initially. Age UK and the Alzheimer's society were extremely helpful and I would advise that these are the people to turn to. He was eventually referred to the hospital and received a diagnosis.
He was looked after at home and had carers to help with showering twice a week but as COVID struck the carer voiced that he should be looking after poorly people which proves there is a lack of training and understanding. We arranged for him to attend a day centre that we paid for £50 for a day and extra for transport which again raises the point a lot of people would not be able to afford this.
My father's condition progressed and he was sectioned under the mental health. He was in hospital for a number of months and slowly deteriorated. He was fully mobile when admitted but came out in a wheelchair. He remained on a section and it was decided to transfer him into a nursing home that had mental health status. The care worker was excellent and luckily he went into an agreed place to live but if there had not been a vacancy there he would have been placed in a different place and this could have been out of town which then poses a problem for visiting for some people.
We are also lucky that one of our MP's in our town is Debra Abrahams who is joint Chair of the Alzheimer's and Dementia Group in Parliament other people may have MP's with little experience of the disease.
During the time before my father passed away after COVID restrictions had lifted we visited my father and we lived in the here and now as with any illness people change as their illness progresses. We played him music and we sang the songs for him. We laughed which made him laugh to. We made memories and tried to have fun with him. I fed him and he used look at you and often spit the food in your direction and I would shout duck he's spitting and I would say that's naughty but smile at him then he would smile.
The two days before he passed away he opened his eyes which he had not done properly for ages and he told us he loved us.
We regard those as special memories. We had had a time where we could not see him due to Covid so make the most of the time you have left with your loved ones.
I am sorry but the advert about a person keep dying is not true in my mind they only have one passing and that is at the end the rest is just a progression of a disease like any other and remember there is always somebody who understands and to talk to.
He was looked after at home and had carers to help with showering twice a week but as COVID struck the carer voiced that he should be looking after poorly people which proves there is a lack of training and understanding. We arranged for him to attend a day centre that we paid for £50 for a day and extra for transport which again raises the point a lot of people would not be able to afford this.
My father's condition progressed and he was sectioned under the mental health. He was in hospital for a number of months and slowly deteriorated. He was fully mobile when admitted but came out in a wheelchair. He remained on a section and it was decided to transfer him into a nursing home that had mental health status. The care worker was excellent and luckily he went into an agreed place to live but if there had not been a vacancy there he would have been placed in a different place and this could have been out of town which then poses a problem for visiting for some people.
We are also lucky that one of our MP's in our town is Debra Abrahams who is joint Chair of the Alzheimer's and Dementia Group in Parliament other people may have MP's with little experience of the disease.
During the time before my father passed away after COVID restrictions had lifted we visited my father and we lived in the here and now as with any illness people change as their illness progresses. We played him music and we sang the songs for him. We laughed which made him laugh to. We made memories and tried to have fun with him. I fed him and he used look at you and often spit the food in your direction and I would shout duck he's spitting and I would say that's naughty but smile at him then he would smile.
The two days before he passed away he opened his eyes which he had not done properly for ages and he told us he loved us.
We regard those as special memories. We had had a time where we could not see him due to Covid so make the most of the time you have left with your loved ones.
I am sorry but the advert about a person keep dying is not true in my mind they only have one passing and that is at the end the rest is just a progression of a disease like any other and remember there is always somebody who understands and to talk to.
Susan Ann
My father had dementia, it started in 2019. We had to place him in a home in 2021,because he was wandering and getting out of mams house. It slowly took away his dignity, the use of his legs, then the ability to swallow.
When he was admitted into hospital for the final time we sat for nearly 24 hours while everything was denied and they prepared for him to slip away.
Since this day you would think the family would be closer but we have all moved away from each other so the pain and grief like that doesn't happen again.
Dad always said he couldn't get in bed as I was in his spot(I didn't live with them) when dad was in hospital just before he lost his ability to speak my name was the last he shouted.
Dementia doesn't just take the person once it takes them multiple times.. every time he forgot how the remote worked.. everytime he thought he was feeding the baby(toilet) with his own dinner.
My dad was my rock.
When he was admitted into hospital for the final time we sat for nearly 24 hours while everything was denied and they prepared for him to slip away.
Since this day you would think the family would be closer but we have all moved away from each other so the pain and grief like that doesn't happen again.
Dad always said he couldn't get in bed as I was in his spot(I didn't live with them) when dad was in hospital just before he lost his ability to speak my name was the last he shouted.
Dementia doesn't just take the person once it takes them multiple times.. every time he forgot how the remote worked.. everytime he thought he was feeding the baby(toilet) with his own dinner.
My dad was my rock.
Rebecca-jayne
My wife has Alzheimer's Disease and I have cared for her full time since the symptoms became apparent in 2019 and her diagnosis in 2021.
I've learned some things I'd like to share.
Firstly, it's not the fault of the sufferer that they have dementia. It's not due to a lifestyle choice such as nicotine, alcohol, hard drugs, or anything else.
Neither is it your fault.
Initially, I made the mistake of doing everything for my wife, which made her more dependant on me than she might have been at that stage.
I thought I could manage everything myself without outside help - another mistake. Do ask for help, it is available and is not a sign of weakness..
Learn how to look after your own mental, physical and spiritual health.
Sufferer and family all are affected but in different ways.
Be prepared for friends to fall away, they simply don't know how to deal with it.
Lastly, don't feel guilty if you need respite, even a few hours off each week becomes a blessing. You need to recharge your batteries because the fight isn't over.
I've learned some things I'd like to share.
Firstly, it's not the fault of the sufferer that they have dementia. It's not due to a lifestyle choice such as nicotine, alcohol, hard drugs, or anything else.
Neither is it your fault.
Initially, I made the mistake of doing everything for my wife, which made her more dependant on me than she might have been at that stage.
I thought I could manage everything myself without outside help - another mistake. Do ask for help, it is available and is not a sign of weakness..
Learn how to look after your own mental, physical and spiritual health.
Sufferer and family all are affected but in different ways.
Be prepared for friends to fall away, they simply don't know how to deal with it.
Lastly, don't feel guilty if you need respite, even a few hours off each week becomes a blessing. You need to recharge your batteries because the fight isn't over.
Jeff
My mum longed to be a grandparent. When we had our first baby she started showing signs of memory loss. Mum knew it was going to happen. It had run in our family. I also know this will be my fate. COVID stole the last lucid year we had left. When I was 4 months pregnant with my second son she went missing. And when she was found had to move into a home. She doesn't know us anymore. I miss her every day. I wish she had the chance to be the fantastic grandparent she deserved to be. I often feel so jealous of other mums who have the support of the grandparents to navigate motherhood.
NAOMI
My lovely Dad passed away this year after living with Alzheimer's for around 8 years, with the latter 3 years living in a care home. Nothing can prepare you for it as a family member who finds themselves with the responsibility of navigating their loved one through this awful disease; the sadness, the grieving (many times over, step by step), the frustration, the fear, the anxiety, the confusion, the guilt.
None of us knows how our lives will end, but if you have Dementia, you have the added burden of fighting for care funding and not really knowing what to do or what you're entitled to.
People who haven't been through the Dementia journey with a loved one, may think it's an extreme form of forgetfulness. It's not ... it's everything, both mental and physical decline. My husband and I make a point of calling it a Disease of the Brain ... it's basically your brain 'packing up' .. and the way an individual's brain 'packs up' gives them their unique Dementia experience. Why should people with a brain disease be treated differently in terms of care, than those with heart, liver, kidney problems... broken leg .... ? This can't be ignored any more ... as we all live longer and survive other illnesses, many more of us will end our days with Dementia.
None of us knows how our lives will end, but if you have Dementia, you have the added burden of fighting for care funding and not really knowing what to do or what you're entitled to.
People who haven't been through the Dementia journey with a loved one, may think it's an extreme form of forgetfulness. It's not ... it's everything, both mental and physical decline. My husband and I make a point of calling it a Disease of the Brain ... it's basically your brain 'packing up' .. and the way an individual's brain 'packs up' gives them their unique Dementia experience. Why should people with a brain disease be treated differently in terms of care, than those with heart, liver, kidney problems... broken leg .... ? This can't be ignored any more ... as we all live longer and survive other illnesses, many more of us will end our days with Dementia.
Karen
I have been on the dementia journey for 18 years. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2006, my husband with Alzheimer's and Vascular Dementia in 2020 and my best friend with Dementia in 2022. Dementia has reached into the lives of 3 of my most beloved people like a wrecking ball. In one form or another, I have been a carer for my mother and husband for 18 years. It is a relentless series of losses. I do not have Dementia but Dementia has me in its remorseless grip. My mother is now dead, free from her suffering. My husband and best friend are still alive, still know me and can still say, "I love you". I am forever grateful for small mercies.
Julia
My mum had frontal temporal dementia . After her diagnosis we were just left to get on with things and I had to do my own investigations to get any help . The care package was ok but not what we really needed or wanted . We kept mum at home until very late and then she went into a care home for 5 days before passing away . Drs never came around to check up on her and although referred to SALT team they never came as they are too busy . This is the cruelest disease as we lost mum a number of times over the years and she would have hated to be a burden . Both my brother and I became exhausted with caring for her and my dad also and people need more help . I also believe an admiral nurse would have been such a great help but they don’t have one around the Poole area . Whenever I speak to someone about dementia some one always knows someone and whilst doing the memory walk you get a true realisation of how much this impacts so many people .
Karen
My husband of 54 years has Mixed Dementia. He had tablets to slow it down. He also had tablets to help him deal with hallucinations. The latter seemed to work to a point, certainly with agitation. But then he was taken off them. By the time I convinced the medics he was better off with them the process had gone a lot further. Bob had to go into a care home in early 2024 as it was generally considered that caring for him was more than I could manage. I didn't want him to go. He said I needed a break. I insisted on only respite. But I was outnumbered. The nurses in the home have fought with me to get Bob back on the meds that helped a little, especially with agitation. I was sick of hearing about possible side effects. Bob was very agitated and frightened. He had to be sedated at times, and then he was zonked out. What quality of life had he got? The Home's nurses pressed forwards and I insisted Bob be given what I knew worked. The psychs finally agreed. But I often wonder how he'd have been if he hadn't had removed the meds that helped in the first place.
Now, sometimes he knows me, sometimes not. Sometimes affectionate. Sometimes frustrated.
Popular with the staff, who are lovely with him. He's settled. I miss the Bob I knew so much. Miss the many loving moments of our days together, the friend who always had my back. My confidante. A part of me. He now stares vacantly, struggling to work out what's in front of him. Who's in front of him. He's all mine, but he's gone. I can feel him, hold him, but he's gone. He's gone, but never gone.
Now, sometimes he knows me, sometimes not. Sometimes affectionate. Sometimes frustrated.
Popular with the staff, who are lovely with him. He's settled. I miss the Bob I knew so much. Miss the many loving moments of our days together, the friend who always had my back. My confidante. A part of me. He now stares vacantly, struggling to work out what's in front of him. Who's in front of him. He's all mine, but he's gone. I can feel him, hold him, but he's gone. He's gone, but never gone.
Jess
My sister dies in February at 62 with Alzheimer’s, my mum is 89, my dad passed at 84, they have 17 siblings between them, all lived to a ripe old age and no Alzheimer’s in the family including 45 healthy cousins! Mia.. my sister had breast implants at the age of 40, she was diagnosed with breast cancer at about 47, she was given radiotherapy without removing the implant, at that time she was becoming forgetful! Her implant then started to caused pain and had encapsulated. No one would take responsibility, we fought to get them out on the NHS but by now she was confused and they would not take them out as they said she didn’t have the mental capacity to make the decision to take them out therefore we had to get POA. I took her privately for blood tests and she was high in Silicone and aluminium! The private doctor believed 100% the cause of her Alzheimer’s, both silicone and aluminium are in the contents in breast implants! We paid to have them taken out privately eventually, she only had small implants as she had no breast at all, it was only to help her look feminine! She was an amazing sister daughter mother and grandmother the best you could ever have, she suffered terribly and we suffered also to watch the deterioration! I believe Alzheimer’s is caused by toxins getting through the blood brain barrier and there are too many toxins in our lives now, pesticides, food additives water additives, our kids do not stand a chance!
pesticides should be banned! I don’t believe that any cognitive therapy will help stop you getting it, I believe it’s what your body absorbs in our poisonous world, we need to start focusing on this
pesticides should be banned! I don’t believe that any cognitive therapy will help stop you getting it, I believe it’s what your body absorbs in our poisonous world, we need to start focusing on this
Paula
My mother has Alzhimeimers, but it took 3 years for us as a family to get that diagnosis. In those three years our family has gone through hell, not least my dear mother. Had we got the help and diagnosis we so desperately needed sooner, it's would have made life easier for my mum. IE access treatments, services and help us all. But by the time mum was diagnosed it was too late for any medications and unfortunately she was admitted to hospital and was discharged from there to a care home and the family had no say in the matter.
Please don't let other families go through the pure hell that we've been through.
Please don't let other families go through the pure hell that we've been through.
Barry
My mother, like my grandmother, developed Alzheimers in her 80's. My father and I cared for her at home. Her personality changed and she often did not want to wash, or even walk about the house .She began to not recognise her husband , which was very upsetting. All her memories slowly were lost . Some years after her death my grieving father showed signs of vascular dementia and strange signs which were eventually recognised as Lewy body dementia . He was acutely aware of his decline and decided to stop eating and drinking after several debilitating episodes of delirium and delusions . Dementia is not just about forgetting things or repeating things .
Sandra
Many family and friends have dementia and have died at home, in a hospice or in a hospital. Diagnosis takes too long. There is no effective treatment abundance it is very distressing to watch a loved one get worse. Access denied to nhs, education, basic checks for sight, hearing and dental care denied, no home visits, no personal budget, no social care, no transport, no accountability, no accessibility, no communication, no care and emergency plan, no statutory services yet overcharged for everything, inadequate benefits, inadequate pensions, no customer service with human, impossible to use phone, tech, AI, hone monitoring equipment, no falls prevention, not on priority register, no emergency alert if get lost, invisible to any system, housebound ignored, infection prevention eg vaccinations ignored, no health check, no annual review, confusion ignored, memory loss ignored, carer denied, unpaid family have to do everything until transfer elsewhere for safety. Disability discrimination, ageism, ableism, racism, sexism, post code lottery and increasing health inequalities. Early help and referrals saves lives and costs from hospital admissions via A& E. There should be equality, inclusion and diversity. Safe places. Mobility aids denied, stair lift denied, home adaptions denied, no social prescriber, no citizens advice, no accessible toilets, years of waiting due to covid backlog, strikes, government failure, covid cover up, people just don’t care. There needs to be health first policies and integrated care from self referral or single point of access. Charities, public, patients, carers, families do more. There needs to be compulsory national training. Every life should be valued. Memory events and bereavement support should be available. More medical research for prevention and better treatments. Mental health services asap. Ageing cannot be stopped. Dementia can occur at any age. Terminal illness needs better care. What care would you expect for your loved one? Positivity, humour and fun should be available. Holistic care, animal therapy, sensory stimulation, creative activities, dance, friend, chaperone, witness, speak up guardian to avoid neglect and abuse. Theft from patients eg jewellery, money, phone should never happen. 24 hour communication with security, cctv and consultant cover. Councils are ignoring people. GP surgery denies access. Landline phone is unsafe. Patient must be seen in home or GP surgery. Register patients for safety. Respite care and short break holiday should be available. Outstanding care at first contact Patient and family know best
Pauline
Share your story
Help bring dementia out from behind closed doors and tell us, what is your reality of dementia?