Real stories

‘Welcoming and joyful’ – how Singing for the Brain benefits a dementia carer and her mum

Five years ago, my mum Shirley was very active, artistic and running her own business.

Sadly, my brother and my dad died within three months of each other and within a couple of months, she showed signs of dementia.

At first, we thought it was grief. 

She struggled to remember things and didn’t have her usual zest for life. 

But after a brain scan in 2021, she was diagnosed with vascular dementia as well as Alzheimer’s.

Finding support

I’m a natural researcher and looked for activities and ideas to help Mum. 

About a couple of years into her diagnosis, a neighbour told me about Singing for the Brain.

We’re not singers or particularly musical but thought we’d give it a go. 

As soon as we arrived, we felt the warm and welcoming atmosphere.

It was clear this was a special group. Tracey, who leads the group, is incredibly caring and full of energy.

We’ve been regulars ever since and go to a quieter afternoon session, which suits Mum better. There are around eight people with dementia and their carers. 

It’s my top priority to get her there each week.

Mum feels safe, comfortable and happy there. She laughs, she’s chatty and confident. 

She doesn’t have to worry about anything – she can be herself.

The power of music

Singing for the Brain has an impact in ways I’d never have imagined.

Being part of the group means Mum feels she’s still part of something.

There are people in later stages of dementia than Mum and she looks after them by sitting next to them, chatting and holding their hand.

Outside of the group, as it’s me caring for her, perhaps she feels that nobody needs her anymore. 

But here, she’s needed and she’s helping other people.

The positivity we experience lasts way beyond the actual session. 

If Mum’s ever having a down moment, I remind her about Singing for the Brain and say, ‘Can you remember that song we did this week?’ and she’ll perk up.

Tracey lives on a narrowboat and if Mum sees anything that’s linked with a narrowboat, she mentions her.

I find it phenomenal that this stays with her – it’s a sign of how impactful our sessions are.

Support for carers

Being a carer is hard going. 

I live next door to Mum, but I work four days a week to full time, have three children and don’t have any family who can support Mum’s care.

The rest of the week I’m almost coaching her, saying ‘Let’s get dressed’ or ‘You’ve not had your food, come on then’.

But at Singing for the Brain, I’m not in carer mode. 

I’m just someone doing something nice with my mum. I’ve got to know the carers there and it feels supportive as we share tips and information.

The overarching thing is I just like to see Mum happy. When we’re there, we can connect. 

At the last Christmas party, we must have danced for half an hour with another group member, holding hands. It felt quite unreal but very special.

I’d wholeheartedly encourage other people affected by dementia to find their nearest group.

You don’t have to be a good singer, and everyone’s included – if you just want to listen or hum, or just have a tea or chat, that’s fine. 

But when everybody starts singing, it’s joyous.