My mother in law was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s nearly 2 years ago, although she still says that she hasn’t got it and is ‘getting it’. My husband has never had a close relationship with her, she is divorced, no longer speaks to her daughter and other family members, so it’s all falling to my husband. He suffers with anxiety and mild depression and this situation is making things worse. We have 3 teenagers still at home, he works long hours and also has to deal with the needs of this father! Things are quiet for a while with my mother in law but every so often we get outbursts which are often of the accusing/paranoia type directed at me (I’m trying to steal her money, blackmailing her, stopping her from seeing the children). This is becoming more stressful for my husband and often results in him ‘hiding’ in a bottle of wine. I’m really concerned for his mental and physical health. I feel that we have had NO support at all from specialists/the GP. She was prescribed medication at the time but as far as I’m aware she doesn’t take it. She is still able to care for herself and live on her own, but we feel ‘obliged’ to call in or invite her for tea etc however these visits are often very stressful leaving us wishing that we hadn’t bothered! We are at the point now of feeling that we just want to leave her to her own devices to protect the health and well-being of my husband. I know it sounds harsh and un-caring, but there’s been no love or care in the relationship between her and her son for the 30 plus years that I’ve known her. How do we deal with this?
Dementia Support Line
Deanne Meggison
saysMy mother in law was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s nearly 2 years ago, although she still says that she hasn’t got it and is ‘getting it’. My husband has never had a close relationship with her, she is divorced, no longer speaks to her daughter and other family members, so it’s all falling to my husband. He suffers with anxiety and mild depression and this situation is making things worse. We have 3 teenagers still at home, he works long hours and also has to deal with the needs of this father! Things are quiet for a while with my mother in law but every so often we get outbursts which are often of the accusing/paranoia type directed at me (I’m trying to steal her money, blackmailing her, stopping her from seeing the children). This is becoming more stressful for my husband and often results in him ‘hiding’ in a bottle of wine. I’m really concerned for his mental and physical health. I feel that we have had NO support at all from specialists/the GP. She was prescribed medication at the time but as far as I’m aware she doesn’t take it. She is still able to care for herself and live on her own, but we feel ‘obliged’ to call in or invite her for tea etc however these visits are often very stressful leaving us wishing that we hadn’t bothered! We are at the point now of feeling that we just want to leave her to her own devices to protect the health and well-being of my husband. I know it sounds harsh and un-caring, but there’s been no love or care in the relationship between her and her son for the 30 plus years that I’ve known her. How do we deal with this?