Dementia Support Line
Advice
How to help a stranger who seems lost and confused
Here's what you can do if you meet a member of the public in need of help that you believe has dementia or memory problems. There are ways to assist the police in the event that someone who is vulnerable goes missing.
We have all experienced a stranger in the street approaching to ask for directions – it's a common daily occurrence. However, what happens if the person looks or seems confused, and tells you they can’t remember where they were heading?
Northumbria Police shared a video showing a social experiment taking place in Newcastle City Centre:
This is the heart breaking video that has police officers in tears. Grab your hankies, our social experiment gets emotional 😢 pic.twitter.com/k6PVLMs5fK
— Northumbria Police (@northumbriapol) July 22, 2019
For the experiment, an undercover actor approached people in the street, asking for help as he wasn’t sure where he was.
Hidden cameras nearby captured the heartwarming moments people stopped to assist him. There were also many moments where the man was ignored with people walking by, not wanting to step in.
This is a form of stigma – members of the public were being reluctant to help someone who shows signs of dementia, as they don’t understand the condition or want to get involved.
Why people with dementia may walk about or get lost
There can be a number of reasons why a person living with dementia walks about:
- They could be continuing a habit, relieving boredom, or using up extra energy.
- Walking can relieve pain or discomfort and can be a distraction if they’re having problems sleeping or are feeling anxious.
- They may feel lost in their current environment, want to revisit a familiar place, or are seeking fulfillment.
Whatever the reason for their walking about, they may become lost or disorientated because of it.
If you think you have come across someone in the street you believe has dementia or another condition that causes confusion, there are things you can do to help return them to safety.
How to approach a person who seems lost or confused
When approaching someone you believe is living with dementia and needs help, consider the following:
- Get close enough that you’re able to hear each other and make eye contact, but not so close that you’re in their personal space or are making them feel uncomfortable.
- Make sure your body language is relaxed and open.
- Speak calmly and slowly. Take your time to explain and listen to their answers.
- Use short, simple sentences and avoid complicated questions. Use simple language and ask one question at a time.
- If the person doesn’t understand what you’re saying, rephrase rather than repeat the sentence. Using non-verbal communication – like pointing in a certain direction – can help make things clearer and easier to understand.
Stay with them if possible and try to help them stay calm. Reassure them as many times as necessary that you’re there to help – by building trust, you may be able to find out more information from them.
Contact the police as soon as possible to report that you believe you’ve found a vulnerable person.
It might help to wait with them in a café, shop or other public place so they feel safe.
What can carers do to help people who walk about?
The Herbert Protocol is a national scheme that encourages those living with dementia, or those caring for them, to compile useful information that could be used in the event that they go missing.
The initiative is named after George Herbert, a war veteran, who had dementia. George Herbert died whilst 'missing', trying to find his childhood home.
Once the pack of information is complete, the carer keeps it in a safe place, ready to hand to the police when needed. Having it readily available can reduce the amount of time it takes to find the person and return them to safety.
A completed Herbert Protocol information pack includes:
- Vitals – name, current address, telephone number(s)
- A physical description of the person, including an accurate, up-to-date photograph
- Medical history, including their dementia diagnosis
- Life history – previous job roles, hobbies, likely places they may visit
- Carer and family information
- Missing now – when and where they were last seen, what they were wearing
The Missing Persons Information Hub (MPIH) brings together everyone who cares about missing people. The MPIH website provides links to useful information and services to enable its network to connect and share knowledge and experience.
Get free Helpcards
Helpcards are for people with memory problems and dementia to carry with them. Using a Helpcard can make it easier to get help or assistance when out in the community. Helpcards are the size of a credit card and are free to order.
TW
saysIf I see someone struggling to reach something on a shop shelf, distressed or looking confused, I always stop to offer help, no matter if I am in a hurry. Usually, it is older people and they deserve our respect and our help. Remember, that person is somebody's mother or father, daughter or son and one day that person could be me. Let's try to make this world a better place, one step at a time.
Sheila
saysThank you to all the wonderful people who check to see if a vulnerable person needs help. My father has dementia and it's painful to watch. He was strong, meticulous and a proud man. This awful disease is taking away my dad and I feel so helpless. I'm grateful for organisations such as this trying to help and give much needed information to understand this awful condition.
Beautine wester
saysI read all the helpful tips and found them very useful
I have a very close friend with dementia and very painful to watch their deterioration
Hope there will one day be more caring people either in the home or on the streets who will just smile and care
Betty DeLay
saysI watched my mother go from 160lbs..5'8" ,to 90lbs...The home put food in front of her, but she was unable to eat or did not realize she should eat, nor did she receive any help to eat. I was working, had a family...I told the home, my mother is starving to death...the next evening after I got home from work, I went to see my mother, she was sitting at a table with it loaded with food, enough for 10 or more people. The home was trying to say, your mom gets food she is not eating, what a disgusting scene. She needed help, she was in an assisted living home, they assisted her right into her grave..total negligence. She was not ill, physically, just mental..No cancer, no heart trouble. Her death certificate said "severe anemia", she starved to death..$2500.00 plus a month.. these senior homes need to be held accountable when a patient dies of starvation...when youthful aids are running around acting like they are working...I saw many people starving..yes I have my regrets, that was not there, but I to had a family, I to had a job, but my job was not to feed elderly, I was not employed there, but I hope in my heart, I would treat those humble people different. Those in the home will one day walk in their shoes...Vengeance is Mine , I will repay saith the Lord. You reap what you sew...If you work in a home, for goodness sakes, do your job, take care of people, FEED THEM....they need that more then anything.....they die of starvation....
James cowan
saysHi. my wife has dementia.most days i find things in the waist bin , if i ask for a spoon. or a knife . most of the time she will hand me a rolling pin, she is now in stage three, thing are difficult. she is now 78 and myself 80
Diane
saysI alarmed the house at night but my husband has started to wander the neighborhood during the day, I have alerted the neighbors and also ordered "dog tags" with his name, mine, diagnosis and my phone number on it that he wears all the time. They were very reasonable online.
Laurel Aldridge
saysExcellent information. Thank you.
Patricia Fowler
saysI have two friends, both in the same home, suffering from Dementia.
My husband and I visit on a regular basis. The gent is very concerned seeing his wife who was always stronger that he, but now is far worse than he is. Not having seen them for 2 weeks, I am shocked to see how she has deteriorated. It makes me realise how quickly this disease can be all consuming. I think the suggested card will be very useful. Thank you for the work you do.
terry dean
saysHi I brought a badge with,please be patient with me I have dementia. I thought it was a bit demining but it works a treat.
thomas southgate london since 201o
saysinterested in terry dean advice brilant it exsplains so well that the person has dementia so often people say thats unkind etc but some times it needs to be clear for folks to understand and then help the person as a society we so caught up with being politically correct my late husband had dementia which lead to alzheimers well done terry dean
T Barratt
saysMay Dad died of dementia and my father in law now lives with it. I always try and help, but struggle when that person doesn't want help and becomes aggressive (as is often the way with dementia sufferers). There is an elderly man in our town, which frequently wanders the streets . He is often picking up litter (or rather throwing it out of his way) or rummaging in the dirt. He could have dementia or other mental health issues, it is difficult to tell. But when I try and approach him or strike up a conversation he shouts and becomes a little intimidating. What is the best approach in this circumstance? I assume the police are aware as he is a regular sight. But then people often chose not to see.
Roy Pearce
saysI thank you for this advice. At 74 years of age, I am thankful that, so far, I do not have any obvious signs of dementia. However, I do forget things and, often, do silly things such as going to the oven to put the milk in the fridge! My understanding of dementia is that it is not funny and I will do whatever I can to help anybody in distress when I am out.
Amanda
saysBefore I lost my mom a few weeks ago she’d suffered from dementia for several years and eventually went in a nursing home with my dad who also has it. When I used to take her out to a shopping centre I was always really worried about losing her and found just going to the toilet really stressful. Thanks for your work in this area x
Steve Nesbitt
saysGetting lost in familiar areas has started to become a regular occurrence for me. Most recently, going to my dentist, I couldn't find the road. despite it being a main road on which I'd been dozens of times before. (It's surprising how many main roads don't have street names clearly displayed.) As soon as I said to people: "Excuse me - can you help me?" they would break eye contact and hurried away. I realised afterwards they may have thought I was about to ask for money - I was dressed casually and it was raining and windy and I didn't exactly look like a city gent but I was clean and tidy.
What I need is a small hand-held gps device!
Denise Cheng-Carter
saysSteve download google map on your hand phone. You can use it like the gps.
Loo Blackburn
saysHi Steve , I read your comment , I have recently bought my parents a GPS emergency watch . In any emergency they can press the alarm on the watch ( looks like a Fitbit ) and it goes through to the centre and identifies immediately where they are calling from . It’s works on a monthly payment plan under £20 a month once you have the watch . Best wishes
Richard B.
saysGood morning.
I have a relative and a friend who are both in the early stages of dementia. I am always fearful that both of them can go out for a walk and suddenly forget who and where they are.
This advice may well relieve many problems.
Thanks very much to those people who compiled this information.
RB.
Anita Pearson
sayswhen our mum was at risk of getting lost we put a GPS tracker on a key ring in her handbag. Gave us that extra reassurance.
Clare Moat
saysMy Mum suffered with Lewy Bodies Disease. It took a year for her to get the diagnosis as it's not a simple one to discover. She went from being an independent lady living in her own home to a little old lady in a wheelchair in a care home, it was heartbreaking to watch. She was still the same person, yet she wasn't the darling Mum I knew. She died in January 2015 having only being diagnosed three years earlier. I still miss her every day.
Due to what happened to my Mum as you can imagine I'm really interested to learn, find out and help as much as I can with the ongoing work and research into dementia and hopefully one day finding a cure for this devastating disease.