Advice

‘I want to go home’ - What to say to someone with dementia in care

What would one do if person doesn’t speak ?

Sorry i realised i didn't really describe what he actually does lol
I feel he comes obsessed almost to the point that's all he fixated on problem is others start paying attention when he does these thing's.
He originally was removing the batteries out of the remote of tv and house phone we got to the point we couldn't keep going in circles so we glued the back of house phone, where it still charges etc, then came the prank calls which only way to prevent is ignore which is hard as worried he may need us also we was informed he made an few to people in his village stating he was lonely and wanted to talk but this scared me as I felt he may be putting himself in potential danger. At the minute his new fixation is he is uncomfortable, in pain and needs the carer's back out, unfortunately his other child did ring carers several time's for him , we refused after asking him why did he need carer's explaining its not an emergency, we have considered pretenting we have called them saying they can't come out but we believe this could potentially lead to difficulties with his carer's which isn't fair, however since his other child is also refusing he is ring emergency services where he has the ambulance atleast once but as much as 4, he also had the police at one point due to how many calls he is making, even though we have tried to explain and he seems to get the concept of what we are saying I'm not sure if he fully understands, he also refers to them as his carer's. I know most of this is him reacting to attention he receives and i can fully understand why he does it it is what most of us would do, we feel extremely guilty we aren't able to care for him but we just don't know what to do to help him as he isn't really helping himself and even calling him hourly and visiting him everyday which we couldn't keep up hasn't prevented this.

I want to apologise now as I'm not the best at writing where things make sense. I really don't want to sound selfish but we are struggling to know what to do with my father in law. Me and my partner both have extra needs i myself has Autism, ADHD, CPTSD and my partner has moderate learning difficulties. My father in law is such an genuine gentle soul and he is amazing for what he has done in his life especially for the years I've known him he gave up his life to look after his wife who unfortunately passed away in December just gone since then everyone in his life seems to have an reason not to want to know him, even though he was always pushed to the side too much in mine and my partners opinion as he would refuse his hospital treatment and this was acceptable in eyes of his other child as his wife had an personality disorder where she would be unbearable to the point he couldn't leave the home without her playing up. We was told there was no help and support for us as my father in law is deemed not an danger but some would be available if he gets diagnosed which he did in February with vascular dementia, since then he has become bed bound has carer's 4 times an day apart from that he has us phoning or visiting when we can. He has become hard to manage at times as I'm writing this I've had 43 miss calls plus others where I've answered, I know he will be extremely lonely we have ask for bereavement support ect but everyone says he is Ok till he bothers them, I.e carers he previously had moaned as he was making serveral nuisance phone calls in the night so our suggestion of taking number out the phone was quickly stopped incase he needed the carer's even though we said he doesn't seem to know what an emergency is and he would ring us and we would ring an ambulance especially as we wouldn’t ring carers they have enough to do, but even though they didn't want number taken out of the phone they would ring us expecting us to go over to sort him even though an all round trip is just over an hr, even though we had refused this didn't prevent them phoning again other nights but then he ended up on hospital so they was no longer in charge of care. Now we are not having the best of times, I know most of it is down to loneliness and he gets attention from his actions he won't move closer, neither go in residential care but no-one will offer any support to help us combat this or helps us communicate in away that doesn't upset him. We both would love if we could look after him 24/7 but been realistic we wouldn't cope as we struggle to look after ourselves at times but also i work part time and my partner is in full time work after working his butt off for over 5 years voluntary and part time due to his needs he requires extra support which may come across an little selfish but we are 32 and 34 which means we aren't entitled to any money at first if we leave our jobs and likely hood of us getting jobs easily again is very low. If anyone has any suggestions of things we can try to settle him as we want him to stay at home for as long as he wants but to be happy and settle we know some days will be hard but there's no break at the minute and definitely no real support many thanks all

My mom is 71. She’s lived with us for almost 3 years. I eventually was up most nights as she would wander and I was afraid she’d fall down the stairs as she would forget where she was and go into different rooms in the middle of the night. She was often confused and required assistance for meals, showers, meds, finances. It broke my heart to put her in a home in May. I love her so much but her safety especially with my going back to work was at risk. She begs regularly to come home. I decorated her room and she took it all down. She has been there over a month and will not sleep in the bed. She cries when I go there and asks me where she is, what the address is, why I put her there and how can I sleep at night knowing what I’ve done to her.. When I take her out she is happy (but regularly confused) and when I bring her back and leave she seems worse. She is so angry if I don’t take her for a drive and yet is so upset after I do. I cry often and feel so guilty. I know she needs the care. The place is wonderful but I wish I could have kept her here. Trying to soothe her while she is so angry and upset while also trying to deal with missing her tremendously makes me feel so sad. It’s such a hard thing.

My 99 year old mother is in residential dementia care transferring from hospital for assessment. She doesn’t have capacity but has for the whole time been fixating on going home wanting live-in care. This is unlikely to work as she would be confused and not like or accept someone else in her house. She couldn’t be left overnight. Taking photos/memory items to her doesn’t work and any little treats are seen as trying to get round her. She is unhappy that I can make decisions but doesn’t understand the need for it.l am seen as despicable and the baddie in the situation. Visits result in her ranting and both of us distressed. Coping with elderly relatives as we ourselves get older is difficult. I empathise with some of the problems others are going through

My father has had a severe stroke, which left him unable to use one side of his body. He is incontinent,in a wheelchair, and must be taken out of bed on a hoist. He is also in the middle stages of dementia and is having delusions.. He has been in a skilled nursing facility for a year. He wants to stop my sister's power of attorney and sign himself out to go home. He has friends who say they will care for him . They are not trained caregivers. At least one is expecting quite a bit of money to care for him. Also, his house is not set up for someone as disabled as he is. Still, he might be legally able to do this if he is not declared incompetent. If he goes home, we fear harm will come to him. He will be back in an ambulance again shortly.

My sister feels she has "abandoned" her husband by putting him in a memory care facility. She goes for a visit and he begs her to stay there with him when she tries to go. What can we do for her? Her health has declined again, like it was as a 24/7 caregiver.

Don’t think I will go to my grave beating myself up about putting my husband into a carehome but the carers coming in confirmed it was dangerous for him to stay at home with all his constant falls. He had vascular dementia, epilepsy and COPD. He was in carehome four months and then in hospital with infections where he passed away after five weeks. My guilt is not bringing him home to pass away. Lockdown was a nightmare only seeing him at end of life..The guilt I feel is awful.

Husband in care home for respite. Now social services say he can't come home.surely as it was only tempory I can bring him home. Thinking of seeing a solicitor.

My mum want to go home to where her brothers are. (Sadly they died years ago).
I used to drive my mum round for 20 minutes till she forgot.
Now my car's broke down I use another tactic.
I say they are decorating and that she can go back tomorrow when they've cleared up and the paints dried.
If worse comes to worse I ring my brother and he pretends to be the one decorating and he says what a mess the place is in etc.
Just the thought that she will be going home at some point settles her.

My mother in law came to live with us almost a year ago. She has started telling us she wants to go home but when we take her to her house she argues that this is not her house or her things and demands we take her to her home! But she has no idea how to get there. She has been diagnosed as having dementia. She gets very angry at her son and I don’t know how to handle it.

My mom has been in a nursing home for almost 9 months now. Recently I decided to talk to a therapist because the guilt was hard to deal with and the phone calls with her are never good. Tonight for example she left a voicemail telling me that I must have the devil in my head and she doesn’t know what happened to me that I would put her in such a place. It was a long voicemail with plenty of insults. I am the only daughter with one brother who is 12 years older then me and he is having a lot of medical issues and my other brother passed away in 2005. The therapist has helped me but it is still so very hard to listen to her voicemails or talk on the phone with her. Our 20 minute visits once a week are usually fine and we can talk about my grandkids or other family members. She will always bring up that she doesn’t want to be there and gets upset when our 20 minutes is over.
I wish there was some type of comfort I could give to others going thru the same thing with their parents t but all I have to really say is that you are not alone and try to be easy on yourself.

My mother has dementia and just went into a nursing home a few weeks ago. She is very upset with us "kids" as she wants to go home. She says she misses her place and being able to cook for herself. And said she misses feeling useful as there is nothing to do in the nursing home. She was crying yesterday..( I have never seen her cry) saying that we are awfully for dumping her in there, without giving her a choice. She is still very sharp...so its difficult to change subjects. Because she knows what your doing. And explaining anything only upsets her...and she has a reasonably argument for everything we say. I feel horrible that she is in there. And I would take her if I could. But I cant at this time. She said she feels herself getting more and more unhappy. (She is usually a happy person) And that we might as well have shot her with a silver bullet. Because she does not want to live there her whole rest of her life. The staff have said that she is telling them also that she wants to go home. We thought it would be better after her 2 week quarantine. But it's not gotten better. The recreation department said she has very much enjoyed the recreations. But she tells us she does nothing in there. I'm not sure if its because she does not remember or that she does not want to admit she likes something about the place. Because of Covid we are not able to even visit outside. Today she threatened to walk home. Is there some way to make her happy? Or understand that we were not being terable kids who abandoned her there? If you talk to her it's hard to catch her dementia, unless you asked certain questions...like what happened yesterday or who she talked to yesterday.
Can you please give me and my siblings some insite.

My grandmother she doesn't remember Anything she is talking to her self . She is 86 years. She has an anger when you try to talk to her I think it started 4 year ago I do really think what should I do please help 😭😭😭😭
I am 15 years old

My mum fell and broke her arm on 10th March. The orthopaedic doctor did not want to admit her as they were not going to operate just put her in collar and cuff. She was admitted anyway?? For 2 weeks we were unable to see her so phoned every day to see how she was. She was confused on days and it wasn’t until the second week she had been in that we were allowed to speak to her on the phone. Then we got a call to say we could go up as she was critical. She had caught pneumonia in hospital and I stayed with her through the night on Thursday 25th and Friday 26th then she passed away Saturday morning. We are so angry and hurt we could not see her for the 2 weeks and have now found out the hospital guidance is that a patient who has dementia and confusion should be allowed a visitor.
She went in with a broken arm and is now dead it was horrific what we saw and I feel so guilty for letting them admit her and not knowing how she was over those 2 weeks without us there.