Carers: looking after yourself

If you are caring for a person with dementia, then you will know that it isn’t always easy. You may at times feel worried, anxious or frustrated. You might feel guilty about these emotions or whenever you need to do things for yourself. However, looking after yourself is vital for your health and wellbeing, and will benefit both you and the person you are caring for.

We look at the challenges you may face in your caring role and ways that can help you to cope, as well as ideas that you might find helpful and the types of support that are available to you.

Adjusting to being a carer

If you are supporting someone close to you, you might not see yourself as being their ‘carer’, but rather their partner, family or friend. Even if you don’t identify as a ‘carer’, you may still find that using this term can help you get the right support.

Caring for a person with dementia can be rewarding, but it can also be challenging. It is often unlike caring for someone with any other condition. You may find you don’t have the time or energy to do all the things you need or want to do. 

Carers often put the needs of the person they care for before their own. This can make it difficult for you to look after yourself properly. You may then feel exhausted, emotional, overwhelmed, or become unwell.  

Looking after yourself is important for both you and the person you are supporting. If you can stay healthy you will feel better, and it can help you to cope in your caring role.

Coping with changes 

Dementia is a progressive condition. This means that symptoms may be relatively mild at first, but get worse over time, usually over several years. These symptoms include problems with memory, thinking, problem-solving or language, and often changes in emotions, perception or behaviour.

A person’s needs and abilities will change as their dementia progresses. Being aware of changes can help you to adapt your caring role, as well as the support you need. It may sometimes feel like you’re starting again with learning how to support the person you are caring for. 

It can also be very difficult to see them struggle with things they used to be able to do. Try to accept that the changes are happening and focus on what the person can still do. Support them to do those things or consider where others can help you.

Some of the changes will be small. However, in the future you may need to make bigger and more difficult decisions about changes. You may not want to think about this yet. However, it can be helpful to put some key financial and legal things in order.

The person you’re caring for is likely to behave differently. They might do or say things that you don’t understand or know how to respond to. This can be upsetting and frustrating. Try to remember that the behaviours are usually not intentional and are a part of dementia.

Adjusting to your new relationship 

As a carer, your relationship with the person with dementia will feel different. Conversations and things you do together may change. You may also need to do more for them and help them to make decisions. 

On an emotional level, you may feel a loss if the person isn’t the way they used to be. You might have depended on them for support in the past, which they can no longer provide. This can be a difficult change for you.

It can be hard to see the positives in this situation, but it doesn’t mean your relationship is lost. By caring for the person, you are helping them both physically and emotionally. Plus, they are being supported by someone who cares about them, even if they may not always seem to know or appreciate it. 
 

Managing daily activities

Practical support and advice can help both you and the person with dementia. Things that can help with everyday activities and your caring role include the following suggestions.

Keeping a journal 

When you’re having a difficult day, think about the positives if you can. Writing this down in a journal can help. This can include moments you shared, or when the person looking well and cared for. This can also give you a much-needed boost and a reminder that you are doing a great job. 

Dementia-friendly adaptations to the home

You can make changes to the home to make life easier for the person you care for, and yourself as their carer. This could include making adaptations to support their mobility or to help them stay independent. This could also make life easier for you by giving you more time for yourself. 

Technology to support carers

Technology that is used to help you care for someone with dementia is known as ‘assistive technology’. These include online banking and shopping. 

You can also use electronic devices to reassure you that the person you’re caring for is safe when you’re not with them. For example, you could use movement sensors in the home or a ‘GPS locator’ device so that you know where the person is. 

Read our advice on using technology to help with everyday life, for more information about these devices and important things to consider, including getting the person’s consent to use them.