Finding the right care as an LGBTQ+ person with dementia

With the right support, it is possible for people with dementia to live in their own homes for longer. However, as your condition progresses, you will need more support. Eventually there may come a time when you need to think about moving into supported living or a care home.

This may be difficult for you. Your home may be where you feel safest and the idea of having to move may be distressing. You may be worried about having to move into supported living or a care home for many reasons (see Accessing services).

As an LGBTQ+ person with dementia, it can be difficult to find suitable housing, but options are available. It may help to look into this as soon as you feel able. It might feel very early to think about this now, but it will help you to be ready if the time comes.

As your dementia progresses, there will come a time when you no longer have the ability (known as ‘mental capacity’) to make certain decisions for yourself. It can help to talk to those close to you, where appropriate, about what you want in the future. You might also want to record your wishes about the kind of care setting you would want, if the time comes. 

Finding care settings that are right for you

Our tips about accessing services will apply to supported living or a care home as well. Some other things to think about include:

• Does the culture of the home make you confident that your sexual orientation or gender identity will be respected?
• Will you be able to express your relationships without threat and be given the same respect as others?
• Are there private areas for visitors to talk to residents?
• Is there space for you to be intimate with your partner if you want to be?
• If you have LGBTQ+ friends, ask them if they know anything about the home you are considering. For example, if anyone they know or anyone you know has been a resident.
• Do you know of any LGBTQ+ members of staff who work at the home? Although this does not guarantee an LGBTQ+ friendly environment, it might give you some confidence.
• You could ask if you can choose who supports you or provides certain types of care. You may feel more comfortable with a certain person, or you may want to have one or two people who know you and your needs well.
• When looking for supported living or a care home, it’s a good idea to look into as many options as possible. You may want to contact or visit a variety of places to see if they seem suitable.
• First impressions are often a good guide – if you don’t feel comfortable and safe then it is unlikely to be the right place for you.

For information and advice about housing options, including for older LGBTQ+ people, CQC or Stonewall Housing may be able to help.

Accessing services as an LGBTQ+ person with dementia

Following a diagnosis of dementia and, as your condition progresses, you are likely to need more help and support to live well. This may come from a partner, friends, your family of origin or your family of choice. However, you will probably need to think about other forms of support as well.

For example, you might want to think about:

• Accessing local services for people with dementia and speaking to a dementia adviser or dementia support worker. They can provide information and support to help you understand your diagnosis and plan for the future. They should also know about any local services, such as activity groups, that might be of interest.
• Speaking to your GP if you are finding it hard to come to terms with your diagnosis, or you are experiencing apathy, depression or anxiety. They can suggest ways to help you manage this, such as counselling and other therapies.
• Getting help at home – for example, from adult social services or a private homecare agency. They can help with things that you find difficult and help you to manage at home.
• Talking to your partner about getting support for them. This can be from a support worker or a local carer’s group.
  As your condition progresses, you may not be able to get the help and support you need at home, and may need to think about moving into supported living or a care home.