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Dad was diagnosed with vascular dementia at age 88. His balance was a little impaired but he carried on going walking miles every day. We found him the Lamborghini of...
My father died in 2017 and had vascular dementia . My...
My husband has been in a care home nearly 7 years. I’m 81 we have been married 61 years. I go every day to give him his lunch shave & cream his skin,he is in the...
My wife of 40 plus years developed Alzheimer’s and after a misunderstood start and then (fortunately ) the right help enabled us to cope. Advice regarding help...
A good friend who was a diplomat before retiring contracted Alzheimer's and was looked after by his wife and two daughters. He should have gone into care but his...
My Mum started to get lost in town when going to...
my grandma had dementia from 2013 to 2016 until she passed away it was hard seeing the effect on her she did not know who I was I used to visit her every week to see...
My husband is 90 He was diagnosed with Altzheimers...
My late Mum had vascular dementia she was also a...
My Mum & F in Law both had vascular dementia.My Mum became physically violent towards my Dad it progressed swiftly to diagnosis if Alzheimers My F in Law didn't...
I care for my husband Terry who was diagnosed with...
My mum's Alzheimers story offically began in 2018,...
Dad was diagnosed with vascular dementia at age 88. His balance was a little impaired but he carried on going walking miles every day. We found him the Lamborghini of walkers as he wasn't going to "look like an old man". After then being hit by a car on a pedestrian crossing and left in pain for hours in a hospital corridor, he was told he had a broken hip. Determined to get walking straight away in order to be discharged, he was let down by staff shortages. They would take a bedpan rather than help him walk as he asked to do. By the time he left hospital he had to go into a care home for assistance as he could barely walk at all. We watched as he gave up and retreated into himself until he passed away. The sadness and despair in his eyes as he lost interest in everything, broke my heart.
My Mum was 85 and suffering with Alzheimer's by that stage . She declined rapidly without her rock of 55 years and was soon in a care home too. Mum wasn't a confident person and had always been a homemaker, Mother and Granny surrounded by family. She had a brief period where she lost enough inhibitions to sit in a communal lounge and gradually enjoyed the entertainment, especially songs from the past. Sadly Mum then became depressed, less able to walk with a walker and sat staring at the walls until busy staff could spend a little time with her. With my sister and me both working full time, it was quite a journey to visit often.
The dementia nurses make a big difference to sufferers' lives but they are few and far between. As kindly as some care staff were, they did not have the training to deal with patients varied emotional responses to their disease; from laughter to tears and a polite generation becoming belligerent!
This is a huge issue with an ever increasing aged population and it's a terrible way to live.
My Mum was 85 and suffering with Alzheimer's by that stage . She declined rapidly without her rock of 55 years and was soon in a care home too. Mum wasn't a confident person and had always been a homemaker, Mother and Granny surrounded by family. She had a brief period where she lost enough inhibitions to sit in a communal lounge and gradually enjoyed the entertainment, especially songs from the past. Sadly Mum then became depressed, less able to walk with a walker and sat staring at the walls until busy staff could spend a little time with her. With my sister and me both working full time, it was quite a journey to visit often.
The dementia nurses make a big difference to sufferers' lives but they are few and far between. As kindly as some care staff were, they did not have the training to deal with patients varied emotional responses to their disease; from laughter to tears and a polite generation becoming belligerent!
This is a huge issue with an ever increasing aged population and it's a terrible way to live.
Lyn
My father died in 2017 and had vascular dementia . My mother cared for him for 4 years with family support but at breaking point my father had to go into a home for his last year. He couldn’t talk and eventually couldn’t eat. I had to fight for 6 months for CHC and it eventually came through on his death bed.
My mother 5 years later was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s , delayed diagnosis due to Covid but we knew the signs so it was just keeping her safe that was important. Diagnosis means diddly squat. What we learnt from my father’s long journey to death was invaluable.. you don’t get any help from anyone and it only gets worse. We employed our own support and now have 24/7 care and are again fighting for CHC as after a Stroke her mobility and speach are gone .
There are lots of things you are signposted to and can read but actual help is no where to be seen unless you find and pay for it your self. There is no social care due to lack of funds in the NHS.
We have so far managed to keep mum at home and only got a hospital bed as she had a stroke.
It’s all very sad but we take pleasure by the tiny little sparks of happiness we see in mum each day we take her her Dashund Oscar who sits on her lap and she cuddles him.
mum can’t speak and can’t remember has little mobility but is able to stand at the moment stand and take a few steps from her chair
When she can’t she won’t be able to stay at home. It is a long drawn out down hill from here!
My mother 5 years later was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s , delayed diagnosis due to Covid but we knew the signs so it was just keeping her safe that was important. Diagnosis means diddly squat. What we learnt from my father’s long journey to death was invaluable.. you don’t get any help from anyone and it only gets worse. We employed our own support and now have 24/7 care and are again fighting for CHC as after a Stroke her mobility and speach are gone .
There are lots of things you are signposted to and can read but actual help is no where to be seen unless you find and pay for it your self. There is no social care due to lack of funds in the NHS.
We have so far managed to keep mum at home and only got a hospital bed as she had a stroke.
It’s all very sad but we take pleasure by the tiny little sparks of happiness we see in mum each day we take her her Dashund Oscar who sits on her lap and she cuddles him.
mum can’t speak and can’t remember has little mobility but is able to stand at the moment stand and take a few steps from her chair
When she can’t she won’t be able to stay at home. It is a long drawn out down hill from here!
Helen
My husband has been in a care home nearly 7 years. I’m 81 we have been married 61 years. I go every day to give him his lunch shave & cream his skin,he is in the last stages of dementia. he cannot walk talk doubly incontinent, It’s heart breaking watching his decline more must be done for dementia we’re is the national health from cradle to grave it’s a illness when will the government wake up to this .
My wife of 40 plus years developed Alzheimer’s and after a misunderstood start and then (fortunately ) the right help enabled us to cope. Advice regarding help available is important, but more vital is the factual information available from the Alzheimer’s Society! Not speculation facts which enabled us to achieve a sad, but reasonably happy end to wonderful partnership. Not perfect but I think by asking for help was advice I would recommend. Don’t be embarrassed - face reality - it really was helpful.
KEITH
A good friend who was a diplomat before retiring contracted Alzheimer's and was looked after by his wife and two daughters. He should have gone into care but his youngest daughter insisted that he stay at home. During the last few months of his life, he became violent and aggressive and the three ladies had to do everything for him including showering and maintaining his hygiene needs. It was very sad to see a kind, lovable and charismatic man die this way.
Neil
My Mum started to get lost in town when going to shops she'd visited for ten years. She saw her GP with her concerns, but he told her it was an "age thing". Her memory continued to deteriorate and I had to step in to stop her driving, as she was getting lost and ending up on a dual carriageway. I wrote in confidence to the GP citing dates and happenings, and requesting a review appointment. Mum was very annoyed with me when I visited the next day as the GP had told her about my letter.
We eventually saw the GP together and he referred her (with much insistence from me) to the memory clinic, where Alzheimer's disease was diagnosed. Mum was angry with me for making her attend a "useless' appointment as it was "only occasionally her memory was bad"., not all the time as I made out. This caused friction between us which was heartbreaking for me, but fortunately only lasted a day or two.
In between working fulltime and spending a little time with my family, I became Mum's carer, food-buyer, launderette, financial adviser, and even occasionally, the daughter.
Eventually, after I kept arriving to find the gas hob on, but unlit or the electric kettle melted on top of the hob yet again, I had to make the awful decision to find a home for Mum.
When she and I completed her Lasting Power of Attorney, some years previously, I'd insisted that if I felt she could no longer live independently, that the GP should also be involved to confirm this. We found a very nice home (using the Alzheimer's Society's very helpful guide), where she was reasonably happy for over a year.
Suddenly things changed, and she stopped wanting to shower (as she thought she'd already done so earlier), and became difficult with the nice staff. Without any warning, she was Sectioned and placed in a mental health assessment hospital for what was meant to be a few weeks. This dragged on and on into many months- with Mum in a hospital with patients far more ill than her.
During this awful time she fell twice at night, and wasn't discovered quickly as they didn't have pressure pads by the bed, alerting them to her getting up. The second time fracturing her hip which obviously meant a hospital stay. Well-meaning physio' staff tried to encourage her to do the exercises post surgery, but of course, this meant a certain amount of pain, which Mum didn't understand, so she would scream.
She was moved to a nursing home then, but was confined to a wheelchair.
Mum told me she "didn't want to be here", ie alive, as she'd gone from a fit 80 year old, having long walks with me, swimming, playing croquet and riding her bike - to someone with 'a memory problem' (as she called it), and sat in a wheelchair with no quality of life. She took matters into her own hands and stopped eating and drinking, ending up dying over a week later on her 90th birthday.
More needs to be done to support dementia research, along with providing those diagnosed and their families with the support they so desperately need, as well as more awareness of the public on this cruel illness.
We eventually saw the GP together and he referred her (with much insistence from me) to the memory clinic, where Alzheimer's disease was diagnosed. Mum was angry with me for making her attend a "useless' appointment as it was "only occasionally her memory was bad"., not all the time as I made out. This caused friction between us which was heartbreaking for me, but fortunately only lasted a day or two.
In between working fulltime and spending a little time with my family, I became Mum's carer, food-buyer, launderette, financial adviser, and even occasionally, the daughter.
Eventually, after I kept arriving to find the gas hob on, but unlit or the electric kettle melted on top of the hob yet again, I had to make the awful decision to find a home for Mum.
When she and I completed her Lasting Power of Attorney, some years previously, I'd insisted that if I felt she could no longer live independently, that the GP should also be involved to confirm this. We found a very nice home (using the Alzheimer's Society's very helpful guide), where she was reasonably happy for over a year.
Suddenly things changed, and she stopped wanting to shower (as she thought she'd already done so earlier), and became difficult with the nice staff. Without any warning, she was Sectioned and placed in a mental health assessment hospital for what was meant to be a few weeks. This dragged on and on into many months- with Mum in a hospital with patients far more ill than her.
During this awful time she fell twice at night, and wasn't discovered quickly as they didn't have pressure pads by the bed, alerting them to her getting up. The second time fracturing her hip which obviously meant a hospital stay. Well-meaning physio' staff tried to encourage her to do the exercises post surgery, but of course, this meant a certain amount of pain, which Mum didn't understand, so she would scream.
She was moved to a nursing home then, but was confined to a wheelchair.
Mum told me she "didn't want to be here", ie alive, as she'd gone from a fit 80 year old, having long walks with me, swimming, playing croquet and riding her bike - to someone with 'a memory problem' (as she called it), and sat in a wheelchair with no quality of life. She took matters into her own hands and stopped eating and drinking, ending up dying over a week later on her 90th birthday.
More needs to be done to support dementia research, along with providing those diagnosed and their families with the support they so desperately need, as well as more awareness of the public on this cruel illness.
my grandma had dementia from 2013 to 2016 until she passed away it was hard seeing the effect on her she did not know who I was I used to visit her every week to see her dementia is a cruel illness
martin
My husband is 90 He was diagnosed with Altzheimers in 2020. He had been showing symptoms which we could put down to getting older. In 2022 he was also diagnosed with rectoral cancer and has since had a stoma fitted.
Gradually his condition with all of his problems resulted in my own health and well being has really. After a few weeks of respite care he is now in the same care home .
I was unable to cope with his physical and mental needs
It’s very sad to see my husband of over 61 years of marriage with a total change of personality. He was. a University Lecturer,
He played rugby to international level and continued to play golf regularly until last year .
My children who live either in California or London are floundering as they are unable to provide the one to one support which is necessary.
It’s been a VERY VERY steep learning curve for us all
Gradually his condition with all of his problems resulted in my own health and well being has really. After a few weeks of respite care he is now in the same care home .
I was unable to cope with his physical and mental needs
It’s very sad to see my husband of over 61 years of marriage with a total change of personality. He was. a University Lecturer,
He played rugby to international level and continued to play golf regularly until last year .
My children who live either in California or London are floundering as they are unable to provide the one to one support which is necessary.
It’s been a VERY VERY steep learning curve for us all
My late Mum had vascular dementia she was also a double amputee all due to diabetes. It was heartbreaking to watch my Mum suffer. She frequently used to say “there’s something going on in my head”! I nursed my mum from start to finish, she had good days then really bad days. I would find her crying all day and she didn’t know why when I asked. My biggest fear was my Mum would forget who I was but she remembered me right to her last breath and passed away on my birthday. Mum remembered my daughter and my two small granddaughters would sing and dance for mum which she loved it and clap and kiss the girls. I had made a promise many years ago to my Mum, as she didn’t want to ever go into a care home and I kept my promise. Mum passed away in her own home with all her family around her. My late dad suffered Alzheimer’s which was very different to VD. He passed this year aged 94. My Aunt, mums sister also suffered Alzheimer’s and passed away in 2023. It was like a comedy act when Mum and her sister were together, mum would say “I’m going to see mamma, my aunt would reply “how can you see Mamma she’s been dead over 50 years. Mum would pipe up with “she’s not, I saw her yesterday! I have an uncle who also has Alzheimer’s, who I care for. I worry that Alzheimer’s may be hereditary and pray I don't get to suffer from this cruel disease as it changes everyone’s lives. You don’t just lose your loved ones once it’s twice which is beyond heartbreaking.
Andrea
My Mum & F in Law both had vascular dementia.My Mum became physically violent towards my Dad it progressed swiftly to diagnosis if Alzheimers My F in Law didn't recognise his son's he was a widower by this time forgot to eat or wash.Accepted into a nursing home died within 6months
Carol
I care for my husband Terry who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in September 2015 he is now 81 years old. I am 78 now and somedays I am just worn out with doing everything.. One of the hardest things to come to terms with is not being able to plan anything.My husband has now no short term memory, and very little from the past now. I really could do with some help or some respite care. But sadly not much out there. He has just started to attend a centre nr by last week from 9.30 am to 3PM to give myself a few hours break, and also to give Terry some activity other than watching TV all day.This is costing 69 pounds as we have some savings, I’m not sure it is right for him as last week after he came back home he was very confused and can’t remember anything about going there, he didn’t eat lunch and this tells me he was quite anxious ( out of routine) He has a younger brother and sister who live close by ,but sadly very rarely visit, Before Terry was diagnosed they visited often. Just so sad.
Dianne
My mum's Alzheimers story offically began in 2018, she was 72. Up until this time my mum was a fiercely independent person, a fraze my middle sister often used to described our mum. She was extremely fit, she had exercised regularly since the age if twelve, which is when she decided she wanted to look like Marilyn Monroe.
She had myself and my two younger sister's, who she brought up single handedly, after her divorce in the mid 80's. This reinforced her attitude , "she didn't need any help".
She studied to become a sports injury therapist. She opened her own clinic, along side working at the local leisure centre. Later in life she also became a foster carer. When she retired, she took a volunteer position with the local council, that provided guided walks for carers. She had always enjoyed walking, she was a member of the Ramblers Association, she wanted to give something back to people needing much needed respite from being a care giver. She herself had needed respite during her time as a foster carer.
During this time her family had grown, she had five lovely grandchildren.
Suddenly we all started to notice little changes in her behaviour, never dreaming it was anything serious.
She started to ring me at random times during the night, she was frightened and didn't know why. I reassured her everything was fine, only for the phone to ring again a few hours later, I just put it down to night terrors.
When visiting her at home, I noticed the house wasn't being cared for as it always had. Piles of papers, bills and numerous other documents started piling up on the dining table.
She also started having difficulty with conversations, keeping up with the gist of things.
She then told me she had been on the coach with the carers group and all of a sudden everything went blank, dark and for a few seconds she said I didn't know where I was. Obviously this terrified her, which is when I booked her in with the GP.
He then referred her to the memory clinic and in 2019 mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.
It was truly devastating, like someone had handed us a death sentence, but we all put our positive hat on, bought a caravan to spend family time and make lots of memories.
We had one family holiday all together and then Covid hit. We were no longer allowed to see each other. I was nominated to be in mums bubble, and what a lonely bubble it was. I was still working, fortunately with my youngest sister, in a school for pupils with learning disabilities, which remained open.
As mum became more and more isolated from everyone her Alzheimer’s progressed at an alarming rate, her medication was changed a few times, but there was never any improvement and it didn't seem to be slowing the progression of her Alzheimer’s.
In 2021 mum moved in with myself and my husband, but it was hard on all of us. We were exhausted from my mums nocturnal habits, she was constantly saying sorry when things got heated. Then the guilt sets in, the tears, the despair and the what if's! When it was deemed safe for us all to interact again,
we as a family shared weekends taking her to the caravan. I would have extended stays there for as long as I possibly could, but inevitably had to go home, which she didn't want to do, she wanted to stay in her beloved caravan.
In 2021 things became so bad at home we made the very hard decision to put mum in care. I have never cried as much in my whole life, it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I will never ever forget the look on her face when I was leaving her.
I still took her to the caravan whenever I had a free weekend off work. Then her mobility started to deteriorate, she fell as I was taking her for our daily walk round the caravan site. That was the start,of the end, to the caravan visits.
Christmas came, the first one in the carehome. All the family attended the Christmas party, but when we got up to leave, so did mum. I cried all the way home, the first Christmas in my whole life that I wouldn't be spending with my mum, I was broken, then on Christmas Eve, she was admitted to hospital with pneumonia. There were no beds available on any of the wards. The corridors in the A&E department were like a seen from some Hollywood disaster film. I have never seen so many elderly sick and dieing people in one place, it was truly terrifying.
They sent mum home after pumping her full of fluids and antibiotics, getting her back to the care home was a logistical nightmare. I literally carried her out of the hospital to my husband, who was waiting in the car near the ambulance bay.
It was the worst Christmas ever, we didn't know if she would pull through, but she did. During the next 12 months mum deteriorated further, the Alzheimer’s had really taken hold and she would lean and slump to one side in her chair, she had difficulty with spacial awareness. She became aggressive towards staff, luckily something they dealt with very well.
I took her for a 4 day break to Blackpool, this was the King's Coronation Weekend. They also had tribute acts on at the hotel, one being Shirley Bassey, one of the many singers my mum adored. She always had music playing, I can't remember a time there wasn't any music playing.
Not long after the holiday her vocabulary started to diminish, once a very articulate, clever lady, now finding it hard to string a sentence together. Summer passed quickly with as many visits to see mum as possible. We couldn't take her to one of our respective houses like we used to for Sunday lunch or just to see the grandchildren, she was to poorly.
Then another dreaded winter, this time it was New Years Day 2024 that we ended up doing shifts in A&E. My sisters had done the day and evening, I did the night shift. Mum had influenza, we were back in the Hollywood disaster movie, but this time at least an ambulance took us back to the care home, after 22hrs of her being treated once again on a corridor.
The weight loss through 2024 was extremely noticeable, mum could only manage the calorific milkshakes, by the time we had to move her into nursing care in August 2024 we were moving a lady we could barely recognise. Alzheimer’s disease had nearly done it's job but not quite. We settled her in her new room, put her music on, chatted to her while we put her clothes away and popped her cuddly toys on her bed. We told her that she was on holiday, and that she would have a lovely time.
we visited as we always had the three of us over the next 6 weeks and on the 15th September 2024 mum gained her wings.
She passed away peacefully in her sleep after being put down for her afternoon nap.
We were not with her to say goodbye, but we had said goodbye to pieces of Pauline "Little P" so many times over the past 7yrs, this peace, was hers to do alone.
Loved always and never ever forgotten.
She had myself and my two younger sister's, who she brought up single handedly, after her divorce in the mid 80's. This reinforced her attitude , "she didn't need any help".
She studied to become a sports injury therapist. She opened her own clinic, along side working at the local leisure centre. Later in life she also became a foster carer. When she retired, she took a volunteer position with the local council, that provided guided walks for carers. She had always enjoyed walking, she was a member of the Ramblers Association, she wanted to give something back to people needing much needed respite from being a care giver. She herself had needed respite during her time as a foster carer.
During this time her family had grown, she had five lovely grandchildren.
Suddenly we all started to notice little changes in her behaviour, never dreaming it was anything serious.
She started to ring me at random times during the night, she was frightened and didn't know why. I reassured her everything was fine, only for the phone to ring again a few hours later, I just put it down to night terrors.
When visiting her at home, I noticed the house wasn't being cared for as it always had. Piles of papers, bills and numerous other documents started piling up on the dining table.
She also started having difficulty with conversations, keeping up with the gist of things.
She then told me she had been on the coach with the carers group and all of a sudden everything went blank, dark and for a few seconds she said I didn't know where I was. Obviously this terrified her, which is when I booked her in with the GP.
He then referred her to the memory clinic and in 2019 mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.
It was truly devastating, like someone had handed us a death sentence, but we all put our positive hat on, bought a caravan to spend family time and make lots of memories.
We had one family holiday all together and then Covid hit. We were no longer allowed to see each other. I was nominated to be in mums bubble, and what a lonely bubble it was. I was still working, fortunately with my youngest sister, in a school for pupils with learning disabilities, which remained open.
As mum became more and more isolated from everyone her Alzheimer’s progressed at an alarming rate, her medication was changed a few times, but there was never any improvement and it didn't seem to be slowing the progression of her Alzheimer’s.
In 2021 mum moved in with myself and my husband, but it was hard on all of us. We were exhausted from my mums nocturnal habits, she was constantly saying sorry when things got heated. Then the guilt sets in, the tears, the despair and the what if's! When it was deemed safe for us all to interact again,
we as a family shared weekends taking her to the caravan. I would have extended stays there for as long as I possibly could, but inevitably had to go home, which she didn't want to do, she wanted to stay in her beloved caravan.
In 2021 things became so bad at home we made the very hard decision to put mum in care. I have never cried as much in my whole life, it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I will never ever forget the look on her face when I was leaving her.
I still took her to the caravan whenever I had a free weekend off work. Then her mobility started to deteriorate, she fell as I was taking her for our daily walk round the caravan site. That was the start,of the end, to the caravan visits.
Christmas came, the first one in the carehome. All the family attended the Christmas party, but when we got up to leave, so did mum. I cried all the way home, the first Christmas in my whole life that I wouldn't be spending with my mum, I was broken, then on Christmas Eve, she was admitted to hospital with pneumonia. There were no beds available on any of the wards. The corridors in the A&E department were like a seen from some Hollywood disaster film. I have never seen so many elderly sick and dieing people in one place, it was truly terrifying.
They sent mum home after pumping her full of fluids and antibiotics, getting her back to the care home was a logistical nightmare. I literally carried her out of the hospital to my husband, who was waiting in the car near the ambulance bay.
It was the worst Christmas ever, we didn't know if she would pull through, but she did. During the next 12 months mum deteriorated further, the Alzheimer’s had really taken hold and she would lean and slump to one side in her chair, she had difficulty with spacial awareness. She became aggressive towards staff, luckily something they dealt with very well.
I took her for a 4 day break to Blackpool, this was the King's Coronation Weekend. They also had tribute acts on at the hotel, one being Shirley Bassey, one of the many singers my mum adored. She always had music playing, I can't remember a time there wasn't any music playing.
Not long after the holiday her vocabulary started to diminish, once a very articulate, clever lady, now finding it hard to string a sentence together. Summer passed quickly with as many visits to see mum as possible. We couldn't take her to one of our respective houses like we used to for Sunday lunch or just to see the grandchildren, she was to poorly.
Then another dreaded winter, this time it was New Years Day 2024 that we ended up doing shifts in A&E. My sisters had done the day and evening, I did the night shift. Mum had influenza, we were back in the Hollywood disaster movie, but this time at least an ambulance took us back to the care home, after 22hrs of her being treated once again on a corridor.
The weight loss through 2024 was extremely noticeable, mum could only manage the calorific milkshakes, by the time we had to move her into nursing care in August 2024 we were moving a lady we could barely recognise. Alzheimer’s disease had nearly done it's job but not quite. We settled her in her new room, put her music on, chatted to her while we put her clothes away and popped her cuddly toys on her bed. We told her that she was on holiday, and that she would have a lovely time.
we visited as we always had the three of us over the next 6 weeks and on the 15th September 2024 mum gained her wings.
She passed away peacefully in her sleep after being put down for her afternoon nap.
We were not with her to say goodbye, but we had said goodbye to pieces of Pauline "Little P" so many times over the past 7yrs, this peace, was hers to do alone.
Loved always and never ever forgotten.
SARA
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