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My wife was diagnosed with vascular dementia eight years ago when she kept forgetting things of what she was like back then and now she has been upgraded to mixer dementia as she has declined from the person I knew then now she spends most of the time asleep in the afternoon and very tired in the evening she has a she sometimes forget where she is and starts to talking rubbish as it is hard for me to understand what she is talking about. We recently went to a wedding but she can not remember much about it, she has been having accidents when a sleep and I have had to call on our care team who ar based in the building we live in to come and help to get her clean, I have to feed her at meal time and I not sure how long I have left with her, we have been marriage for 47 years and hope we make it to 50. I enloesed a photo of her now. I have tried to get as much help as I can for her.

When my father died aged 94 in 2020, my Mum's growing 'confusion' increased. It's important to say that Dad was her rock, time-keeper, ears and eyes in those last years. She knew how to tick with him, despite it being her that cooked, cleaned and tended to his growing needs. Dad was diabetic, had heart disease, an aneurism, COPD, gout, skin cancer, and cardiovascular disease. His mind and IQ remained tip top to the end.

On Mum's birthday June 2020, he sang to her from his home hospital bed, 4 days later he passed away quietly, a Marie Curie nurse had stayed with us the night before.

Registered as blind, and hard of hearing during most of her life, Mum had a strange fit about a week after Dad's passing and changed almost overnight. From a strong and able career woman in her youth, she became a child again, reliant on me, her daughter. All this happened during lockdown and there was scant help before, during, or after. There was never a diagnosis, as Mum was able to cockily answer ALL the questions, despite not knowing how to curl her hair any more. It gave the illusion to visitors that she was well in charge of her destiny.

The following year after Dad's death, I was unable to leave Mum for more than an hour or two. I gained no help from social services - nothing - dealing with all the paperwork and being told, without a diagnosis, no-one could help. Mum had already broken and mended her hips, spine and wrist in the last decade and finally she fell when I was in the kitchen, breaking her shin through her skin. When the ambulance came 25 minutes after my call, whilst I grasped her leg in a towel, they noted her heart and pulse also very dodgy - she was taken as an emergency up to St George's Hospital for three weeks just past her 89th birthday.

During the petrol strike and still within the danger zone of covid, I stayed in a nearby hotel and eventually got her home via a hellish journey in a hard seated ambulance. Mum had no idea what was going on and was fiddling with a newly inserted pace-maker. I was coping with ulcerative colitis which was flaring miserably, but I couldn't get in for tests or to tend my own health issues.

The subsequent weeks I had almost no sleep, apart from exhausted desperation. I'd wake to find her incontinent on the carpet next to her bed, or trying to find the cat we didn't own. I sometimes cried until I howled (privately) until friends insisted they take her for a little 'holiday' at a nearby nursing home - some respite - as I had mentally and physically collapsed. I'd always vowed to NEVER put my parents into a home. As the advert on TV goes, I coped with a death every day. There was no let-up.

To say this was one of the worst days of my life is an understatement. but surprisingly Mum took a kindly carer's arm and settled down after a few days. It became evident, to take her back home to live alone with me as her sole carer, would be unwise and unkind to both of us.

Three years on, I've had to sell my parents lovely home, where they spent 65 married years together and I remain in rented accommodation. The family home was to have been mine. I was the only child born 1956 a year after their beautiful wedding. I've not been able to grieve my Dad, we didn't have a funeral (lockdown) and Mum didn't really grasp the loss anyway, apart from one final time when she sat listening their song (Nat King Cole) - hearing aids in and with tears rolling down her face, she stood up and said "Bye Len" and then a lot of her left as well.

Mum still talks to Dad, she just about recognises me as "Matey" or "My girl" and tells him when I arrived to visit. She loves to sing old songs and asks for my voice – as it calms her. I visit nearly every day and, each day, she slips a little more from my grasp - it's all so slow. There is now the fear ahead which comes when she occasionally chokes. She picks her arms until they bleed, then picks them open again. She is liked by the carers for her pleasant manner, is still strong of will, but her voice is like a child's and she has the fears that a child may have.

The photo I've attached is of us both when she'd just entered nursing care and the very last trip out we had together with the care team - three years ago. For dignity, I'll leave it at that.

My father passed away in March 2024. His cause of death was vascular dementia and frailty. A lovely friend made him a "fiddle" quilt from some of his things. It was something to both keep him warm and use with gloves, ribbons, a bowtie, pockets, etc. I make quilts too and I work in the quilting industry. So many of our customers help people like my father with a "hug" otherwise called a quilt.

Hello my mum got officially diagnosed with alzheimers 3years ago, but I think it was progressing for at least 2/3 years before she would actually accept it was a problem. She was only 67 and I was 35 renting my own house with a 8year old and just turned 2year old so I had my hands full. My mum wasn't safe to live alone anymore she ended up in hospital dehydrated and full of scabs from not washing. I knew there and then she was coming home with me and I was going to care for her,all the right people got involved (EVENTUALLY)and made it happen. I have been a carer for 18years working in care homes, but nobody tells you how lonely it is and how hard it is to watch the person you love most struggle everyday and how family abandon you and your loved one. I suffered for 2years with depression because I had no one to help or turn to, nobody bothered. Thankfully I cut all that out our lives and we moved to a new town and my mum is doing so well and I'm proud that I'm her fulltime carer these times are precious and I enjoy spending every single day with her and caring for her . I wish the government would realise how important carers are and make it easier to access things i had to fight for everything for mum and it wasn't easy but shes my mum and ill always fight for her.

My Grandma is currently living with dementia and has been diagnosed for nearly 2 years. She used to live independently as has done for over 40 years, but as a family we had to make the difficult decision to move her to a care home, and taking that independence away from her was a lot to come to terms with. It was one of the worst things i've ever been through and still living through - as no day is the same when you visit a care home.The main thing is she is safe now and has 24/7 care. She is still active at the moment and can recognise us but her speech and general concentration has deteriorated, and we have no idea how long that will last for before she gets worse, but we are making the most of the time that we still have with her. Now she has the care she needs when we do visit and see her the moments are enjoyable and not as stressful and sometimes very comical.
The whole process from the diagnosis to the end stage dementia is so distressing and traumatising for the individual and families, you never think it will happen to you and when it does there is little or no support - without a MASSIVE bill at the the end of it, due to lack of funding.
My heart is with everyone who has ever been touched by dementia and especially the people who are living through it right now. It is not an easy journey at all and until you have experienced the pain and trauma of it all you will never truly understand.
Thank you for raising awareness and sharing :)

My Grandpa had vascular dementia for 5 years before he died. It was heartbreaking seeing his quick deterioration, and equally hard seeing what it did to my Nana, his full time carer in her 80s. Because they lived together they had virtually no social care support and the toll it took on my Nana physically and mentally contributed hugely to her deteriorating health. Nobody seemed to care about them - we felt he was written off as he was likely to die soon anyway. We need people to feel heard and change to happen.