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My beloved father was one of the greatest fathers one would wish to have - loving, talented, outgoing and we were the love of his life. Brilliant pianist. One day he forgot which tube to get - a line he’d been using for all his adult life. Over a period of 5 years he became like a small child, the piano stopped playing and the house became like a tomb. With increased double incontinence my mother could not cope and he was admitted to a nursing home and came to a state where he could no longer recognise us. He died just before my ordination in 2008. We will never forget him.

Summer 2022 …I knew things weren’t quite right with Sue, so asked our Family GP to see her, he agreed that she needed to be referred…this happened locally within a matter of weeks, and within the first 5 minutes the consultant said that Sue was in the first stages of Vascular Dementia…Sue had a brain haemorrhage in 1996, from which she was not expected to survive, so I was expecting something to happen…the Consultant was very kind and said we had been “lucky” that Sue had 26 years before the Dementia set in.
By February 2023, ( after 2 months in hospital for a bad fall ) Sue was completely immobile, doubly incontinent, could not really speak and needed help washing and dressing, and feeding.
We had to convert our living room to a bedsit for Sue…the equipment was ( and still is ) supplied free of charge…we have a team of Care Workers who visit twice a day every day, to wash and dress Sue…the rest of 23 hours, it is just me ( age 76 ) looking after my Sue. However, there are several people and Dementia contacts I can contact almost straight away if needed.
An early diagnosis is important, but nothing can prepare you for what is going to come…my Sue is very uncooperative, virtually impossible to hold a conversation with, will rarely feed herself, does not interact with our very few visitors…people seem frightened to make contact with you once they know Dementia is present.
The biggest problem I found was Dental treatment, it took me over 3 months to get Sue treated for 2 extractions, I had to go private at a cost of over £2500. I am paying this over 12 months as most of our savings have gone on paying for the Care workers visits.

I believe diagnosis is really important because 900,000 is an underestimation of the real problem. There is so much stigma about alzheimers and dementia that people don’t want to get diagnosed. The effects of the disease are catastrophic for all including the economy. There is prejudice too. I have met very educated people who think it only affects those who aren’t intellectual. The educated sometimes need to be educated too. My poor mother described it as not knowing who you are anymore.