Sue gives Helen a kiss on the cheek in a bedroom

Real stories
Dementia photo journal: capturing the mental, emotional and physical journey

Helen has been documenting her mum’s experience with vascular dementia to raise awareness of the disease.

08 January 2025
28 comments

“My mum has always been my best friend, my whole life,” says Helen about her mother, Sue. “She was the only person that ever really understood me.

“Mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2015. I didn't know what dementia was really like. I didn't realise it changes everything.”

Two years ago, Helen, a professional photographer, left her life in London to move back to south Wales to become her 75-year-old mum's full-time carer.

Documenting dementia through photography

The photojournalist and wedding photographer had been taking pictures of her mum for decades and continued to do so, leading to a very personal project titled No Longer Her(e).

An elderly lady on a kitchen floor with her head in her hand

See more of Helen's work by following @helenrimell and @ginfizzphoto on Instagram.

Her images capture her mum's decline in the little details from everyday life at home in Llantwit Major, in the Vale of Glamorgan. 

"I was trying to process the grief and the loss because she was becoming less and less herself all the time," says Helen.

She is here but she isn't, and she is herself but she's not.

Helen and her mum have always been close.

"She was my best friend, I told her everything," said Helen. "She was fun, she was funny, she was kind, she was caring, really empathetic, really compassionate.”

Sunlight comes in through a window. An elderly woman warms her face in the light

The reality of being a dementia carer

Dementia has turned out to be something very different to what Helen thought before becoming a carer.

"I didn't really know how bad dementia was or what it got like at the end," she said.

"In films you have this sweet little old person sat in a home and they forget your name but at the last minute they remember how to dance with you and a favourite song.

"But it's not like that. Their whole personality changes, not to mention all the physical demise and the aggression and all the different things that come with it."

Despite having to park her own life and the grief she lives with daily, Helen has no regrets.

"I'd do it all again - she did it for me and I want to return the love she's given to me."

Watch Helen and Sue's dementia story

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We have lots of support for people who care for people with dementia.

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28 comments

Add a comment
June
says
01 February 2025 at 7:47 pm
Family needs to talk about it carers in the family need a break As they have their own family and Husband needs but the family cares do not look after them selves as they are they think quiet well The family Carers are in the 70s even though the community care are brilliant with me
Reply
Richard Bell
says
30 January 2025 at 7:38 am
Thank you a sad read but the same for everyone in that place it's hard iam trying to talk about it
Reply
Nancy Gilbert
says
29 January 2025 at 9:37 pm
I have been caring for my husband for 3yrs now. He was diagnosed with mixed Alzheimer's and vascular dementia. We just received this diagnoses in November of this year. It is hard losing your best friend. It is heartbreaking.
Reply
Nancy Gilbert
says
29 January 2025 at 10:58 am
I have been caring for my husband for 3yrs now. He was diagnosed with mixed Alzheimer's and vascular dementia. We just received this diagnoses in November of this year. It is hard losing your best friend. It is heartbreaking.
Reply
Cindy Besharat
says
01 February 2025 at 5:32 pm
I have also been caring for my husband who was first diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 3 years ago and just this past year vascular dementia was added. He seems to have stabilized with the help of medications. He had been taking Namenda for many years due to some memory lapses and MCI and Alzheimer’s is prevalent in his family. As the dementia has progressed we have added an antidepressant and anti-anxiety meds. Most days are pleasant and we are able to still go out and socialize. I’ve learned the art of distraction and when to alter activities to accommodate his mood. We did try several medications until finding the ones that help him. Just remember he is still there you just have to find ways to enjoy the things you can I know this may be a long road ahead of us so I try to enjoy each day as much as we can while he is at this stage because I don’t know how long it will last
Reply
KEVIN William PASHLEY
says
29 January 2025 at 5:40 am
My partner of thirty years Ann was diagnosed with alzmers five years ago and is now in residential care i visit her most days and leaving her is so emotional i feel so drained
Reply
Sammi
says
28 January 2025 at 9:18 pm
My absolutely beloved nan has vascular and Alzheimer’s. She’s 80. I’m nearly 35. For YEARS we were best friends. Even as a teenager and into my 20s I spent many weekends round her house and she only lived 10 mins or so from me. We’d ring often. Now, she’s a shell. She looks completely different. Losing teeth and put on weight. My hardest part is for a year now she doenst know who I am. At the weekend I visited her care home with my new baby and as I left she said ‘I haven’t met you before, but well done on the baby’. Every single time I visit her there, I cry on the way home. I cry and I mourn her. I miss her so so much. I replay memories of us in my head. I would never wish this on anyone. It’s the cruellest cruellest thing
Reply
Caroline
says
26 January 2025 at 6:08 pm
How lovely to read these heartfelt messages. Mum does not have a diagnosis yet but we can see the decline and my heart breaks. Bless you all xx
Reply
Karen
says
28 January 2025 at 9:25 pm
We are the same..awaiting assessment and watching mum decline breaks our hearts xx
Reply
Chris Jackson
says
26 January 2025 at 5:17 pm
My heart goes out to both of you. I'm living the same trauma with my Mum. I'm eight years in since 2017. I'm neuro diverse and now have pdsd and depression. I've gone through hell watching the mother I love slowly slip away. Battles with the NHS and the system because what it does they don't focus on the ones left behind the loss the grief that this terrible disease does to one's family. I can't remember my life before dementia. A friend asked me recently "Chris who are you?". I paused then burst into tears. I don't know anymore.
Reply
Rosina Edden
says
24 January 2025 at 10:27 pm
I am a carer for my husband who has Alzheimers and vascular dementia. It is so hard watching the illness getting worse and knowing you are gradually losing them. I am his safety blanket he can’t bear me to leave him to even go to the shops.
Reply
Kenneth Fredrick Bromwich
says
24 January 2025 at 12:50 pm
Hi Carers. I am Diagnosed with (M.C.I) Alzheimer's. I was the lucky one I did a trial (See MY5-Will We Get Dementia) on the internet. It was on Channel 5 on 16th This month. I hope that the trial has pushed my disease back. However, My mother died with Dementia, my sister has Dementia and my daughter has Dementia. GOD PLEASE HELP ME.
Reply
Helen
says
24 January 2025 at 8:38 pm
Oh Kenneth bless you. I hope you have a good long time with good health yet. My Dad had vascular and my mum's got mixed dementia, she was diagnosed 2015 and is now 93. She's had a good journey and remains independent with help from the 3 daughters she has although her memory is fading now, she's kept us amused with stories that we have never heard before. Wishing you all the luck and health in your journey
Reply
Sheena Quinn
says
24 January 2025 at 11:13 am
My 88 year old Mum was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia 3 years ago & is now in a care home. Most of the time she sleeps & doesn’t talk hardly at all when she’s awake but the strange thing is that she has had several UTI’s & reverts back to my old Mum until the antibiotics take effect. I’d be interested to know if anyone else has had this experience.
Reply
Helen
says
24 January 2025 at 8:43 pm
Sheena, hello my mum has mixed dementia for 10+ years now and I have noticed that when Mum has had an episode of sickness and treatment, that she 'returns' as old Mum for a short while. I do not know why it happens,but for a short while it's lovely to see part of her old self appear again.
Reply
Helen
says
24 January 2025 at 9:04 pm
Sheena, hello my mum has mixed dementia for 10+ years now and I have noticed that when Mum has had an episode of sickness and treatment, that she 'returns' as old Mum for a short while. I do not know why it happens,but for a short while it's lovely to see part of her old self appear again.
Reply
Amanda McFerran
says
24 January 2025 at 9:24 am
Beautiful film. 🥰My mum was diagnosed with Lewybody dementia last March and it is cruel and very challenging . My dad is her main carer but they live in annex on my house . Lewy took hold of my mother very aggresively and she is unable to walk or care for herself . She has good days and bad days and some awful days . My sister and I try to take the stress from dad by letting him go out for a bit each day . Mum occasionally goes out but its very hard as she gets very anxious . Films like you have made are wonderful , as until it happens to your loved one , it is impossible to understand how cruel dementia is . As we are living longer it is affecting more of us, and unless more attention and help is given to those suffering and their carers it will continue to be a difficult and often daunting journey . There is very little help after diagnosis and the carers have to find out information for themselves , thank goodness for Dementia uk and for people like yourself who are happy to show the realities of this terrible illness .
Reply
Denise Armstrong
says
23 January 2025 at 11:23 pm
Cherish every good day. There will be many good days, hours and special moments of reflected love. They are the special times that will still happen. I lived through my dad's vascular dementia journey and now Alzheimer's with my mum. Touch and the voice of a loved one is still heard and will always be recognised even if facial recognition isn't always obvious.
Reply
A. B. C. Turner
says
23 January 2025 at 10:08 pm
Old age of the human is surely similar to the lessening performance of “ an old sports car”. At 94 years of age my grandmother asked me “ every 5 minutes “ if I wanted a cup of tea !!
Reply
A. B. C. Turner
says
23 January 2025 at 10:01 pm
One’s memory fades ! Just like the performance of an aged sports car !!
Reply
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