Real stories
Mike and Angela’s story: ‘I must be with her before it’s too late’
Mike is worried for his wife, Angela, who has Alzheimer's disease. Angela has been declining in her care home because Mike has not been allowed to care for her during coronavirus. He is calling on the Government to let him visit before it’s too late.
Love at first sight
I’m from New York, which is where I first met Angela. She was taking a gap year before she started at Exeter University.
I went out one night to what we called a discotheque in those days. I was sitting at a table and Angela was sitting a little away from me. It was love at first sight. We got married two months later.
Our two sons and I first noticed signs that all was not well with Angela back in 2014. Her mind was so sharp, she’d remember everything, and then all of sudden she was forgetting things and saying things over and over again.
In 2015, Angela was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. I’ve never come to terms with it. I probably never will.
Angela has been in a care home since March 2019. For over a year, I spent every day with her, from 9:30 in the morning to 8:30 at night. I was involved in most aspects of her care. I put her to bed every night for over a year. I would place my chair next to her bed and hold her hand until she fell asleep. That’s when I would leave.
And then of course with the outbreak of coronavirus, I’ve been separated from her ever since.
Angela can’t understand why I’m not there
I’ve gone to her every single day since the virus started. I stand in the car park and a carer brings her to a first-floor window.
‘I wave to her, blow her kisses, hoping that she won’t forget me and – most of all – that she’ll know I haven’t left her.’
Sometimes she waves to me to come in and asks the carers, ‘Why doesn’t he come up?’ She doesn’t understand. Most of the time she doesn’t even know it’s me and she’ll walk away. But I go every day. I haven’t missed a day.
She’s gone downhill so much. I know that her interaction with people is significantly down and her ability to speak and walk is suffering extensively. She is also not eating normally. There must be a time in someone’s life where quality of life outweighs longevity.
The residents can’t understand why we’re not there, why we’re not with them. The separation has been hard on me too and is making me ill. I’ve lost two stone in weight and mentally I am scared and can't stop thinking about her.
I need to be with her
The care home has been great. They have excellent carers and nurses.
But I’m concerned that the Government hasn’t clearly and publicly addressed suggestions that care home visits will not take place until May due to the vaccination timetable.
I want the Government to prioritise a timetable for care home visits and provide transparency on how vaccinations impact these visits, in their upcoming plans for relieving national lockdown restrictions.
People need to know what this lockdown is doing to people with dementia and their families. The damage that is taking place is irreparable.
I’m going to see Angela again this afternoon from a distance as usual. I can’t go near her. She probably won’t recognise me. I don’t know how long I have with my wife and the inability to spend even a moment with the love of my life is a day wasted. My two sons and their families have also been prevented from seeing her. We have always been a very close knit family.
We have from the moment we met been in love with each other and that will never change. I must strive to be with the person I love before it’s too late.
Stand with us to support Mike and Angela
The pandemic has caused too much devastation for families affected by dementia.
The Government must prioritise care home visits in their upcoming roadmap to ease lockdown. These visits are vital to the health and wellbeing of people affected by dementia.
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Mike's story was initially published in September 2020 and was amended in February 2021.
Brian parsons
saysI took my wife out of her care home because i could not see her and she was suffering with out me going in to spend precious time together its hard work for me but if i didn't bring her home i dought she would be around today all i can say is this government is destroying people lives because they haven't got a clue what they are doing
Hugh and Pat Smith
saysThis is truly so very sad. Mike and Angela are truly the most lovely kind, caring couple that you would ever wish to meet. We have been great friends with them both
for over 50 years. Mike has tried and is trying his best for his beloved Angela. This is so dreadfully wrong that they are being kept apart like this. Please some one try and help with this before it is to late.
pauline
saysWe are finding the same with mam. she picked up and was her cheery self when they allowed short outside visits, now they're stopped we worry something might happen and we can't see her? she is withdrawing when we speak 😥
Mary C
saysHope the corona virus go down for love ones to meet up in a properly.
Mike Guida
saysDearest Pat & Hugh.
I've passed on your lovely message to Dad. "Ang" loved you so much as does Dad of course. You were and are so important to both of them ❤
Loads of love
Mike Jr
xxx
Dennis Cordina
saysThis is so sad. I’ve heard heart-breaking stories like this all too often. In this case it’s more personal as I know Mike and Angela. Both confident, intelligent, independent and very family-loving people. To see them like this is just wrong. Dementia patients need their family and the evidence of their decline and suffering is clearly evident. My dad suffered with the condition and frankly contact with his family kept him alive and relatively content. There should be government assistance to enable closer, meaningful contact with care home residents. Alzheimers suffers especially. The distress to all is cruel beyond words.
Mike Guida
saysHi Dennis
Dad asked me to thank you for your lovely message. He really appreciated your heartfelt words and sentiments.
Lots of love
Mike Jr on behalf of Dad
xxx
Mike Guida
saysI am so proud of you Dad and I know Mum would be too. We love you both to bits, now and always.
Like a lot of families in this country who are prevented from seeing their loved ones with dementia in care homes, our hope is that before it is literally too late, at least Dad will be granted key worker status to be able to freely visit Mum at the home whenever he wants, which will enable vital emotional contact for both Mum and Dad which has been acutely missing since March.
Please help to spread the word for Dad and my lovely Mum. Thank you ❤
Mike Jr.
Ineke G
saysWhat I don’t understand is that as far as I know these visiting rules are government guidance, not law. There is a legal difference and care homes are following the guidance rather than the law.
Jacqueline Porter
saysIts not the virus which will kill the person but the isolation and absence of loved ones voices and touch which destroys the last tendrils of human warmth that they remember and the loneliness and abrupt separation which haunts loved ones the rest of their life. 😢💙