Advice

What not to say to somebody with dementia

Should you tell someone in hospital with dementia that they are in the hospital if they ask ?

Found this really helpful thank you

Thank you, these was excellent advice

This is a good article and here are some practical things to complement some of the points. I sing at a nursing home and the majority of those in the group I sing to are at some stage of memory loss. Interestingly enough they know at least the choruses of old songs, like "Count Your Blessings". On point 1, I never try to lead them into something from their past. If I want to engage them in a conversation, I try to involve their sense of humour, which most still have. A question like, "Did you know that I'm a blessing?" gets more laughs that puzzled looks. On point 2, I try to deflect repetitive questions into a song they may know, or something else they may be interested in. On point 3, I have a standard answer. One lady likes to relate how much it meant to her that my mother would deliver parcels to their door when she was delivering mail with the horse and sleigh. Then she asks, "How is your mother?". My mother has been dead for 25 years, so I just say, "She's about the same." and that is accepted with a knowing nod. On point 4, I have found they get confused by my asking them how they are doing, but asking them, "How are you doing today/this morning?" seems to work quite well. Generally: First, try to do things at their speed. When I sing individually with the residents, it may take twice as long to sing a chorus with one as it took with the one before. Second, remember that they like to be touched, so hold their hands when you talk to them or sing with them. Third, they notice things that you might not. At the end of one session several people had come over to give me a hug. As I turned to leave one lady said, "How come you gave them hugs and didn't give me one." Fourth, don't get offended by what they say. I asked one lady if she wanted to sing with me and she said, "No, I don't trust you.". Her husband, who was visiting, was so embarrassed he came over afterwards to apologize. Then we had a chance to talk about how the dementia had changed his wife. Just some thoughts on how to relate to some situations. Didn't intend to be so long.

My grandfather used to be a police officer and often says he needs to get going because he's got to get to work. I don't know the best way to approach this topic, does anyone have any ideas it'd be much appreciated?

I have read each comment with interest and wish to applaud each writer as they have given me such support.
As a person watching the alteration in the behaviour of a loved one it is hard to cope with the sense of loss of that person's individuality.
I am finding it hard to cope with the loss of my loved one by gradual degrees.
Sudden loss is one thing. Death by degrees is so painful to witness.
Thank you to everyone who has shared their experiences in order to support me.
I am beginning to understand the meaning of Carer.

My husband has recently been diagnosed with vascular dementia. We have a conversation and three hours later he has forgot it, We are due a visit from the nurse who referred him to hospital I had conversation with her and she says she is going to ask for second opinion there are white marks all over his brain scan I am so confused at the moment a bit lost

I look after an old friend with Dementia, recently he has said people have been to his house, sometimes myself when clearly I have not has anyone else experienced this

My mum had Vascular Dementia. Some days she would cry that my Dad didn’t visit. Some days she would cry because he was dead. Both times I would comfort her according to which memory she had. I would say things like Dads at cricket mum, you know how he loves cricket, but he sends his love and will pop in tomorrow. Or I would say even though Dad is no longer with us, you had the best time together and you looked after him so well. Both explanations calmed her. Living in her world was so important.

In my opinion first step is to educate yourself with respect to memory loss, causes, symptoms and remediation strategies. Second you must determine the needs and requirements of your loved ones such as; emotional, personal, and health needs. Thirdly you must safety proof your home, as patients with dementia often exhibit unpredictable behavior. It could be quite difficult to look after a patient with memory loss specifically while fulfilling your other responsibilities, therefore it would be best to enroll the patient in an assisted living facility like Avantgarde where they remain under supervision of certified and professional care professionals 24*7.

Visit for the best psychiatric hospital in India. It known for the treatment against psychiatric and mental health issues. It's located at the shahdara delhi, Residential and out patient both services are available.

Good tips here thank you which we as a family "try" to remember.
Re 1 we find getting the old family photo albums out works a treat and leads to some lovely conversations & memory sharing with mum.

Useful, thoughtful information, but I'm not sure about avoiding saying love, dear etc.

When the person keeps saying in front of lots of people ‘it would be nice if someone told me these things’ accusingly on a regular basis when they’ve been involved in the original conversation. This is so hard to deal with. Everyone thinking I’m just not communicating with him. It hurts so much. If I say ‘i told you about this ‘ I’m wrong and if I say’ oh I forgot to tell you ‘ I’m also very wrong. No way out.

I understand your point regarding "I/remember when?" but my Mum went from early dementia (still driving and being a high functioning person with dementia) to late stage (24 hr care, no mobility, FULL care) as a result of a fall resulting in a head injury (and brain bleed) within days.
My Mum loves to hear about "do you remember?" followed by random stories, even if she doesn't actually really remember them. The best thing I noticed last night was her attention when I spoke about how I feel (we were watching the BBC1 program about anxiety). I've never told her how I actually feel or my concerns that I pass everything on to my 3 kids - she really was listening and even spoke and held out her hand - she is and always will be my Mum x